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Writing Samples /
Band 5

some people believe that ghosts are real. Some others say they are an illusion. Give your opinion.

#people #ghosts #illusion
Was believed by some people that ghosts
were exist
Wrong verb form
existed
show examples
while
 others
told
Verb problem
said
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 they were an illusion. I partially agree with
this
 statement.
To begin
 with, supernatural stories have been narrated around the world since childhood regardless of region or belief. Several unexplained situations are not only scary but
also
 draw probably most attractions of individuals since the medieval ages.
For example
, Dracula, a vampire who lives by drinking blood and mostly has a longevity life, appeared in a large number of Hollywood films.
In addition
, supernatural people have been found in many countries who keep
telling
Verb problem
saying
show examples
 that they can communicate with the underworld.
For instance
, the individual
such
 as a medium can explain the truth of an unresolved case by seeking help from the invisible victim after the police verify the information and it
was
Wrong verb form
is
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 true.
On the other hand
, some ghost tales have already been solved by modern exorcists or scientists that it was merely a scientific phenomenon or man-made situation.
For example
, the unexplained events that have been found on the internet are mostly
a
Correct article usage
apply
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prank
Fix the agreement mistake
pranks
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 set up by locals and the evidence that insists
to capture
Change preposition
on capturing
show examples
 the ghost always are recorded in low resolution or quality. What’s more, the more famous the haunt stories are, the more engagement the location will be received.
For instance
, the tale of the Lockness monster invites huge tourists to explore any country every year despite finding nothing for several years.
To conclude
,
although
 the increase of haunt events still
frighten
Correct subject-verb agreement
frightens
show examples
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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 of society, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 various
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
that
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 solved by truth
seeker
Fix the agreement mistake
seekers
show examples
.
Submitted by amittawin on

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Coherence and cohesion
Your essay addresses the topic of belief in ghosts but could benefit from a clearer structure. Ensure that your introduction introduces your main points and your conclusion summarizes them. Use topic sentences to guide the reader through each paragraph.
Coherence and cohesion
Good use of examples to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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