IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they like. To what extent should children have to follow rules?

#countries #children #rules #behaviour
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Today, attitudes towards
children
Use synonyms
 vary from one country to another. These attitudes have a huge effect
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
Use synonyms
’s lives. Almost all
children
Use synonyms
 tend to live as what they learned from their families.
People
Use synonyms
 hold distinctive opinions regarding a debate which is linked to infants’ behaviour. Some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that they have very strict rules about their attitudes,
while
Linking Words
 others think that they should act anything they like. The major reason explaining why
children
Use synonyms
 live what they want concerns they have a great chance to be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aware
Replace the word
awareness
show examples
 of their own personalities and abilities. It is possible to associate
this
Linking Words
 situation with a variety of positive effects, one of which is they will find the best occupation for their careers. In light of
this
Linking Words
 reality, they will be qualified
people
Use synonyms
 who are experts in their field.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the economic crisis, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who are unemployed is increasing every passing day
although
Linking Words
 they will find easily a job and make money to meet their needs.
For instance
Linking Words
, researches reveal that
people
Use synonyms
 living in accordance with their expectations lead a fulfilling life in many aspects to the others.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 certain
people
Use synonyms
 who oppose
this
Linking Words
 issue and they argue that
children
Use synonyms
 who live to their expectations constitute a threat
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
show examples
 of
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 customs.
This
Linking Words
 view may seem right at the first glance;
however
Linking Words
, there is an important point that they ignore. With ever-increasing globalization and ever-developing technology,
children
Use synonyms
 face many distinctive perspectives and they adopt these views that are true to their minds.
That is
Linking Words
 to say
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when these
children
Use synonyms
 grew up, they will become
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aware
Replace the word
awareness
show examples
 of their world already.
To sum up
Linking Words
, these
children
Use synonyms
 provide a great impact on developed and developing countries.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is not so wise to side with the supporters of strict rules of behaviour because
children
Use synonyms
 have to be aware of their own personalities and abilities for their life and they have a chance to be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 open-minded
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
Submitted by sevdetekin17 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • upbringing
  • discipline
  • autonomy
  • safety
  • responsibility
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • independence
  • boundaries
  • rebellion
  • holistic development
  • structure
  • nurturing environment
  • behavioral expectations
  • social norms
  • authority
  • decision-making skills
  • consequences
  • respect
What to do next:
Look at other essays: