IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, more and more men are staying at home to look after their children when women work full-time. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development?

#countries #men #home #children #women #work #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over the fact that nowadays husbands take care of their children when
women
 are working .
This
 phenomenon has both pros and cons,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 its advantages may outweigh its counterpart. Without a shadow of a doubt, there are a wealth of reasons for
this
 statement, especially
due to
 the fact that it is equal in all aspects and no longer the same as past society.
For instance
, nowadays,
women
 have overtaken
men
 in a bunch of jobs
such
 as college-educated in the United States and take up more than 50% of the labour market.
Hence
, in the new era,
women
 and
men
 are being more and more balanced in all fields.
While
 the reasons for
men
 working at home are widely acknowledged,
this
 is positive for the future of society,
moreover
,
men
 who are working at home will have a flood of time to do wonders for their children.
Furthermore
, nowadays,
women
 can be a breadwinner rather than husbands like before with primary incomes for the family.
For example
, in some developed countries
such
 as the United States, which has an intensive labour market, there are a bunch of enterprises ready to give
women
 a 2-fold salary in comparison to
men
 at the same task.
Therefore
, in modern life, equality between
women
 and
men
 is a positive development for the community. In conclusion, the changing roles between
men
 and
women
 are a consequence of the development of society.
Furthermore
, from my viewpoint, it brings a flood of tremendous benefits to the world.
Submitted by phamduyanhferrari on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: