IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graph line below shows the percentage of workers in five European countries taking fixed stays or more sickness absences per year from 1991 to 2001.

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the line graph illustrates the proportion of workers in 5 particular European countries taking fixed stays and more
days
Use synonyms
 off for sickness between 1991 and 2001.
overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the number of employees in
Sweden
Use synonyms
 was recorded to increase, the figure for Germany followed a downward trend throughout the given period. remarkably, the percentage of taking
days
Use synonyms
 off in both France and the Netherlands remained unchanged.
to begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1991, only 3% of workers were absent
due to
Linking Words
 sickness in
Sweden
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage in the UK reached over 4%. In the next 4 years, the figure for
Sweden
Use synonyms
 remained stable before hitting the peak of 4.50%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the surveyed period.
however
Linking Words
, the category of the UK followed a sudden decrease until 1996, accounting for 4%. afterwards, the UK's
days
Use synonyms
 off for illness increased by 1.5% to 5.5% in 2001.
in addition
Linking Words
, the figure for workers with illness absence in Germany is 2 times higher than that in
Sweden
Use synonyms
, reaching roughly 2.5%.
nevertheless
Linking Words
, the proportion of Germany's
days
Use synonyms
 off dropped from 5.50% to 3% between 1992 and 2001,
whereas
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 category of France and Netherlands remained unchanged at 2.5 % and 1.5%, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words days, sweden with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "unchanged" was used 2 times.
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