IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In most countries, children wear uniforms to school. Some people argue that this is not a good idea. Discuss and give your own opinion.

#countries #children #uniforms #school #people #idea
There are arguments spreading over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society that studying
English
 is more essential rather than studying the native
languages
. They (The local language) may be in danger of extinction if
people
 do not learn about it. In my opinion,
people
 need to learn
English
, but at the same time, we need to keep the local
languages
.
To begin
 with, there is a benefit gained by us (dihilangkan saja, pemborosan kata, terus passive sentence itu pronoun-nya sudah jelas, jadi gak perlu pakai "by us" lagi) by learning
English
. The main one is that it will be easier for
people
 to get a
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 job in the future. It is because there are a lot of occupations which need (ganti dengan
sinonim
Correct your spelling
synonym
 lainnya)
English
 requirements.
For instance
, managerial or supervisory jobs often require job candidates to speak
English
 well.
As a result
, the ones who get accepted are mainly
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
English
 speakers. It is
also
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
general knowledge that when we are accepted in
this
 kind of position, the income is definitely far different from the lower position. It is because the higher position jobs we get, the more salary we obtain.
As a result
, our welfare rate increases.
However
, (
However
 itu biasanya antar
paragraf
Correct your spelling
paragraph
, kalau mau beda
paragraf
Correct your spelling
paragraph
para graf
 pakai
on the other hand
,
on the contrary
, etc.)
besides
 having a great
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
English
, we have to preserve our local
languages
 since they are our national identity. There are various possible actions that could be taken in order to tackle
this
 issue.
First,
the government should implement the regulations that each school must make native
languages
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their compulsory course since the
languages
 can be easier to master if there is a teacher who teaches us (langsung aja "the students") about it.
In addition
,
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
 is the first teacher of each child so every family needs to teach their children to be used to speaking their local
languages
. It is because being good in a language needs a lot of practice, so our home is definitely the suitable place to do that since it is the place lived by our closest ones. By combining those remedies, we can preserve local
languages
. In conclusion,
although
 getting
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
English
 language is necessary for
people
, we
also
 need to protect our local
languages
 by making it a mandatory lesson in schools and teaching it in our own
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
.
Submitted by mziaulhaq25 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: