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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came
#information #police #budget #area #britain #money
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The table showed the origin of the police
budget
Use synonyms
 from 2017 to 2018, and the chart indicated how their
budget
Use synonyms
 was distributed to salaries, technology, buildings and transport in the same term.
Overall
Linking Words
, people can see that there were not too many differences between 2017 and 2018, and all aspects which were mentioned
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the graphs were stable. If we look at the police
budget
Use synonyms
,
national
Add an article
the national
show examples
 government significantly contributed to one, around 175.5 and slightly increased to 177.8 .
Otherwise
Linking Words
, local taxes was the second highest contributor
due to
Linking Words
 contributing 91.2 and 102.3 . Other sources
also
Linking Words
 played an important part in their source
while
Linking Words
 only
supplied
Wrong verb form
supplying
show examples
 about 38.25,
hence
Linking Words
 police
budget
Use synonyms
 can totally
earned
Change the verb form
earn
be earned
show examples
upper
Correct article usage
an upper
show examples
 300 . With regard to 3 fields
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 money need to spend
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, salaries had the largest percentage
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
about 75% and minimally declined to 69% in 2018 .
However
Linking Words
, technology
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 only invested 8% of the
budget
Use synonyms
 and went up to 14% in the next year, buildings and transport were stay constant at 17% in 2 periods.
Submitted by duongducanh06 on

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words budget with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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