IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Recent years, the number of crimes committed by young people in major cities throughout the world is increasing. Discuss this issue. Give reasons and suggest some solutions.

#years #crimes #people #cities #world
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It has been argued by many individuals that in bygone days most teenagers have done illegal activities in big cities
around
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apply
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all over the world
that
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which
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 is increasing continuously.
This
 essay shall shed light upon the various reasons
along with
 some ways to address the issues in the subsequent paragraphs. Foremost, the main cause is the lack of job opportunities. The majority of human beings
do
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commit
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crime
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crimes
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 as they do not have any source of income and without
money
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money,
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 they never fulfil their basic needs.
For instance
, a survey conducted by Harward University revealed that 65% of
the
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young humans have become delinquents
due to
 unemployment.
Besides
this
,
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the young
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young
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the young
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 generation
follow
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follows
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 famous personalities and
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lifestyles
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lifestyle
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lifestyles
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. To elaborate, in
this
 modern era, most human beings spend their time on Instagram, Snapchat and Twitter where they see
an
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apply
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eminent personalities who wear expensive attires, watches, caps and shoes. Children want to look like them.
Consequently
, they commit crimes and earn huge amounts of money.
However
 in order to overcome
this
 problem, two solutions can be taken is that legal authorities need to provide jobs to youngsters. If the Supreme give occupation to each and every
people
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person
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of
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in
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 society, they protect
from
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themselves from
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 offence.
In addition
, parents have to focus on their offspring who usually waste
of
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time on social networking sites with the assistance of
this
 they not only
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emphasise
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on
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their education but
also
 survive
from
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bad company.
For example
, it is published an article by The Tribune newspaper showed that approximately 85% of the population has secured from crimes and it is decreasing regularly.
To conclude
,
although
 the fundamental ground of crime increase in the nation is social media and lack of job chances, it can be solved if
government
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the government
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 provide jobs to the citizens and families make a time schedule for their young ones when they study or use mobile phones.
Submitted by deepikanayyar1996 on

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task response
Please ensure that the essay addresses all parts of the prompt in a clear and comprehensive manner.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks clear organization and logical progression of ideas. Work on connecting your ideas more coherently to improve the overall structure of the essay.
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