IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

In recent times, many people have focused on the negative effects advertising has on children’s health, behaviour and family relationships. Advertising to children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

2.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
The pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the outcome of the
studie
Correct your spelling
study
, which is the main reason
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teenagers
Use synonyms
 used their
phone
Use synonyms
 in one African country from 2016 to 2019.
Body paragraph 1
Overall
Linking Words
,
Add an article
the mist
a mist
show examples
mist
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers
Use synonyms
 used their
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 for social networks,
while
Linking Words
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
 percentage of
teenagers
Use synonyms
 used
Use synonyms
Add an article
the phone
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 for calls.
Body paragraph 2
In 2016, 50%
Change preposition
of reenagers
show examples
reenagers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
 used their
phone
Use synonyms
 for social networks,
while
Linking Words
teenagers
Use synonyms
 used
Use synonyms
Add an article
the phone
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 for
email
Use synonyms
 was 2 times less than
social
Add an article
a social
show examples
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
. 15% and 10%
teenagers
Use synonyms
 used their
phone
Use synonyms
 for digital
Use synonyms
camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
show examples
 and
phone
Use synonyms
 calls respectively,
while
Linking Words
2017
Change preposition
in 2017
show examples
Body paragraph 3
3
Correct article usage
A 3
show examples
% increase occurred
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 calls and
Use synonyms
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of digital
camera
Use synonyms
 remain unchanged. In 2017,1% and 2%
decrease
Fix the agreement mistake
decreases
show examples
 occurred in
email
Use synonyms
 and networks respectively. And
Use synonyms
use
Add an article
the use
show examples
 of
email
Use synonyms
 decreased continuously .
Then
Linking Words
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 end of the period it
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 19%.
Conclusion
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
use
Use synonyms
 of
email
Use synonyms
 and
phone
Use synonyms
 calls decreased,
while
Linking Words
 increased the
use
Use synonyms
 of social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 and digital
Use synonyms
camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
show examples
. In 2019,
Use synonyms
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 and digital
Use synonyms
camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
show examples
,
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
 was 56%and
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
show examples
 was 20%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • vulnerability
  • critical thinking
  • childhood obesity
  • materialistic
  • consumerism
  • conflict
  • regulations
  • ethical marketing
  • media literacy
  • unrealistic standards
  • body image
  • parental controls
  • freedom of speech
  • purchasing decisions
  • advertising content
What to do next:
Look at other essays: