Nowadays, young people admire sports stars though thay often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #sports #stars #thay #development

In today's world, television and

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

has led to change

Change preposition

in chidrens'

show examples

chidrens'

Correct your spelling

children's

perspective

Fix the agreement mistake

perspectives

show examples

. Many young individuals

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

started to praise

sports

celeberities

Correct your spelling

celebrities

. I believe it has a negative impact on children. There are multiple reasons to support

this

ideology. To commence with,

sports

stars portray the image of an enjoyable adult who is earning by means of playing his favourite game. A child who is watching his ideal personality, playing all the time, wants to do the same.

As a result

, his other activities suffer.

For example

, he stops spending sufficient time

Change preposition

show examples

his studies. A child can not comprehend the effort, a

sports

star

Correct subject-verb agreement

goes

show examples

through to achieve his goals in life. He only knows the outcome.

Furthermore

, admiring someone who opts

his

Change preposition

for his

show examples

hobby as a career, is not always good. In developing countries, one needs an educational degree and experience to be successful in his profession, as there are fewer job

oppurtunities

Correct your spelling

opportunities

Hence

, it is difficult to turn a leisure activity into a career. Young individuals do not understand the need to be successful; they believe what they see on television. Everyone has their own potential to succeed in a certain career.

For example

, some become doctors, engineers, pilots

e.t.c

Correct your spelling

etc

. Idealising someone restricts their ability to explore their own potential.

Moreover

, it adds

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the

show examples

trait of being irresponsible,

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show examples

their personality. Eventually, they start arguing that

sports

stars make money without studying and working hard. In the

above mentioned

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above-mentioned

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view, it is not bad to admire someone, but it has some negative impact on a young child's brain and

his

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

personality.

Submitted by Mominamajid521 on Thu Apr 06 2023

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays, young people admire sports stars though thay often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people think that global environmental problems should be dealt with globally. Others think that they should be solved locally. What is your opinion?

Some college freshmen find that the courses they choose are not suitable for them. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve the problem?

Instead of requiring primary school students to do experiments themselves, schools should only alllow them to watch experiments demonstrated by teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?