IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

International community must act immediately to ensure all nations to reduce their consumption of fossil fuels e.g gas and oil. Do you agree or disagree?

#community #act #nations #consumption #fuels #e #g #gas #oil
The reduction of fossil fuels like gas and oil is alarming, and that encourages communities across all nations to respond and provide alternatives to decrease their usage. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
this
 notion, as I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that the excessive use of fossil fuel is harmful to the environment and one's health. On one hand , I would argue that all countries must pay attention to the people's consumption of non-renewable energy
such
 as coal, oil and gasoline since it is detrimental to the environment. Once gas is burnt it produces a toxic substance -carbon dioxide which is one of the factors causing climate change. The weather today, as we know it, become extremely unpredictable
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
 in many unprecedented natural disasters that
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
show examples
 everyone of all races living on Earth. Another aspect that the national government should be done in order to utilise fossil fuels use, is to encourage people to shift to electric vehicles. Cars, buses, and trains share a large proportion of non-renewable energy. Apart from that they are the primary cause of air pollution that harms people's health.
In addition
, the depletion of natural resources . In Saudi Arabia,
for instance
 , by 2025 it was predicted that gasoline and oil production will diminish, and the country will no longer be capable of exporting .
Therefore
, changing to electric vehicles would eliminate the need
of using
Change preposition
to use
show examples
 our natural resources, and these acts will prevent depletion and
acquiring
Verb problem
apply
show examples
illnesses. In conclusion, I strongly agree that all nations should act together to prevent the
further
 depletion of fossil fuels by using electric vehicles as alternatives,
while
 the decrease in the use of gasoline and oils will significantly lower the toxic gas emitted into the air.
Submitted by lsc_00000 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that you fully address the task prompt and focus on the specific question being asked.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented. Work on connecting ideas within and between paragraphs to improve coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: