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Band 4

Some childern spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#childern #hours #smartphones #case #development
Many
a
Correct article usage
apply
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childern
Correct your spelling
children
child
,
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
, spend lots of their
time
 using mobile phones. Today's
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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 require more usage of
smartphones
 ,
with out
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
 break of
corona
Add an article
the corona
show examples
.
Study
Add an article
The study
A study
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 has been shifted to online platforms.Teachers send assignments on online platforms where
students
 need to submit
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 work on the same platforms using more and more
smartphones
.Solutions can be found on
smartphones
instead
going
Change preposition
of going
show examples
 to school
asking
Correct word choice
and asking
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 about them.With
Correct article usage
the neccesity
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neccesity
Correct your spelling
necessity
 of other different things ,at the same
time
Add a comma
,time
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smartphones
has
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have
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also
 been converted to
basic
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the basic
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 need of everyone's life to stand with
ever-growing
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the ever-growing
an ever-growing
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 world which is shifting quickly on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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smartphones
.
Usage
Correct article usage
The usage
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 of
smartphones
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 making
students
 addicted to them , they do not put off their eyes even
to
Change preposition
for
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 one minute whether they are doing
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
 assigned by their teachers.Screen
time
 should be curbed by parents so that they could spend
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 life in social activities.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 there is too much bad stuff available on
internet
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the internet
show examples
 that should be monitored not only by parents but
also
 by
government
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the government
show examples
.Halting screen
time
 gives
students
 more
time
 to socialize and
other
Add a missing verb
do other
show examples
 things to explore which are around them.
Technolog
Correct your spelling
Technology
 always gives you
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of advantages but you
also
 need to look at the counterparts.
To conclude
, I believe using
Add an article
the smart
show examples
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
 has both good and bad effects on
students
. If they use it for purpose of their studies it will be provided with great help .On contrary , Pupils who use their
smartphones
 for gaming or other
non value-added
Add a hyphen
non-value-added
show examples
 activities
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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would be not acceptable by any means.On the whole usage of
smartphones
 makes pupils of
modern
Add an article
the modern
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 era with
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of things that are available on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 to search
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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