IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think city planners should create more green spaces and plant trees. Others believe that they should focus on building new houses. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #city #planners #spaces #plant #trees #focus #houses
These days
people
 rarely dedicate
time
 to their
hobbies
. In my opinion, it happens
as a result
 of the busyness of
life
 and leads to problems with mental health. Modern society prizes professional achievements and
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
being a part of it, it can leave little
time
 to pursue your
hobbies
.
Moreover
, everyone's day is full of different activities,
such
 as work, education, gatherings with friends, and chores.
People
 occupy every second of their lives to meet the demand to be productive. With all these essential tasks and a need to do as much as they can, to be successful in
life
,
people
 forget the importance to please themselves with the proper rest and things that bring them joy.
In addition
,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
time
 devoted to
hobbies
 can take a toll on the mental stability of the individual.
Hobbies
 help to alleviate stress by keeping you engaged in something you relish and by supplying you with the feeling of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
.
Moreover
, it increases confidence, eliminates boredom and enriches
life
.
Consequently
, their absence can result in a burn-out, as
human
Add an article
a human
show examples
 is constantly involved in activities that are associated with work or other responsibilities. By continuing
this
 way of
life
, depression may develop in many
people
. Eventually, if there will be a great number of
people
 with depression or a burn-out, society may stagnate and feel hollow. In conclusion, it is very important to have
hobbies
 and make
time
 for them. It is good to leave your thoughts sometimes and just please yourself with things that make you happy
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: