IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005.

The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005.
#information #employment #rates #countries
Tha
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
 bar graph illustrates the information regarding the
employment
rates
 between men and women in six different countries for the year
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1995 and 2005.The data is calibrated in percentage.
Overall
,in 1995
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 had more
employment
rates
 in Iceland as compared to
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
whereas
 in 2005
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 has
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
show examples
 percentage in Switzerland whilst
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other countries. At a fleeting glance,in 1995 men had
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
employment
rates
 in Switzerland as compared to women which was 70%.
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
New Zealand had
minimum
Correct article usage
a minimum
show examples
 percentile of women.Both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Autralia
Correct your spelling
Australia
Australian
 and New Zealand had similar
employment
rates
 which
as
Correct your spelling
was
show examples
 40%.The USA had slightly more
employment
rates
 as compared to
Autralia
Correct your spelling
Australia
 which was 60%.Interestingly,Iceland had
percentile
Correct article usage
a percentile
show examples
 of 50% which was
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
show examples
 whilst to Australia and New Zealand.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, rates with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment rates
  • economic indicators
  • comparison
  • trends
  • improvements
  • declines
  • anomalies
  • fluctuating
  • economic policy
  • financial conditions
  • technological advancements
  • educational levels
  • standards of living
  • poverty rates
  • well-being
  • implications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: