IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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In today's world, health is a major factor
that is
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 ignored by many
individuals
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.
Health-related
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The health-related
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problem
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problems
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 are emerging more because of multiple reasons. One of the major reasons
,
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apply
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 is
food
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 and drink
products
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 that are being manufactured by adding high levels of sugar. Some believe that making these
products
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 more expensive can encourage
people
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 to live
a
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apply
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healthier life.
However
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, I disagree with
this
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view-point
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viewpoint
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. Expensive
food
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 and drink
products
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 can lead to
companies
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'
benefit
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benefits
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 and will not improve awareness among
people
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 about
hazardous
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the hazardous
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effect
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effects
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 of these
products
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, on health. To commence with, organisations that are manufacturing drinks and
food
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 items are earning a good sum of
money
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.
Additionaly
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Additionally
,
increase
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an increase
show examples
 in
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prices
Correct article usage
the prices
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 of these items will only be
lucarative
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lucrative
 for these
companies
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. It will not cause a rise in sales of drinks, but
also
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indviduals
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individuals
 will argue about the benefits of rising
prices
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.
For example
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, coca-cola company is already making a large amount of
money
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. Increasing
prices
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 will not benefit anyone except company owners.
Moreover
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,
this
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 ideology does not assure any awareness among
individuals
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.
Instead
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 of benefiting
companies
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,
government
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the government
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 should spend more
money
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in
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on
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 raising education among
people
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 regarding health-related issues.
For example
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, advertising about
detrimental
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the detrimental
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 effects of
sugar containing
Add a hyphen
sugar-containing
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products
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 can increase awareness among
individuals
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. In
this
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 way, common
people
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 have a positive impact on their health.
To conclude
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, health-related issues are not discussed more often. Rising
prices
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 will not help
individuals
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, fighting with their addiction
of
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to
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softdrinks
Correct your spelling
soft drinks
.
Moreover
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,
companies
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 that have
increasing
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increased
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 income because of more sales are at benefit
of
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from
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 earning more.
Money
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 should be spent on educational programs and commercials regarding the risk factors of
high
Add an article
the high
a high
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 content of sugar in
food
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 and drinks.
Submitted by Mominamajid521 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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