In mordern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. 1. Why has this change occured? 2. Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the current era, young expenditures much
time
Use synonyms
with their colleagues and stay at home for the least hours. In the following essay, we will explore several causes why
this
Linking Words
issue occurs, and I will mention my perspective about parents who should guide their
children
Use synonyms
to spend more
time
Use synonyms
at home. On the one hand, more and more
children
Use synonyms
desire to stay with their
friends
Use synonyms
over the period. Social aspect plays a majority role in the lifestyle's young.
For example
Linking Words
, some applications boost chatting with teams of
friends
Use synonyms
like Snap and Facebook.
Hence
Linking Words
, all the
time
Use synonyms
apps introduce gifts for
this
Linking Words
category of people.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
tend to
this
Linking Words
site without senses and become addicted.
In addition
Linking Words
, colleagues create fun times to joke and play.To illustrate more, my elder son likes joining with football team to improve his bravery and cleverness.
Thus
Linking Words
, he can not find adequate
time
Use synonyms
to chat with us.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people should put strict roles to obtain balance between
friends
Use synonyms
and family. First and foremost, kids acquire attitudes and values from their family in the first ages. In fact, families' produce and
friends
Use synonyms
will be products. That means each family makes a good child and lets him share the communities and products the behaviours.
Consequently
Linking Words
, I remember the study published in AL Watan newspaper in 2002 that said " Parents are responsible for how to produce their
children
Use synonyms
and assign them as products in the country". In conclusion, I am convinced that young spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
with
friends
Use synonyms
and consider the huge issues in the countries.
However
Linking Words
, parents who limit the
time
Use synonyms
and teach them to put a plan in life. In general, families have appropriate to create fun activities indoors and outdoors to attract
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by lailakhalil3 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Ensure that all sentences are grammatically correct. For example, in the introduction, correct 'young expenditures' to 'young people spend' and 'stay at home for the least hours' to 'spend the least amount of time at home.'
coherence
Improve the logical flow by clearly linking each paragraph to the main topic. For instance, the transitions between discussing social apps and the values learned at home need more smooth integration.
task response
Make sure every main point is fully developed. For example, you mentioned children becoming addicted to social media apps but didn't fully explain the implications or provide sufficient depth.
task response
The essay provides a complete response to the task by addressing both parts of the question.
task response
The writer used relevant and specific examples to illustrate points, such as mentioning social media apps and family activities like football.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present and appropriately signal the start and end of the essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: