IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In mordern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. 1. Why has this change occured? 2. Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

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In the current era, young expenditures much
time
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 with their colleagues and stay at home for the least hours. In the following essay, we will explore several causes why
this
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 issue occurs, and I will mention my perspective about parents who should guide their
children
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 to spend more
time
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 at home. On the one hand, more and more
children
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 desire to stay with their
friends
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 over the period. Social aspect plays a majority role in the lifestyle's young.
For example
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, some applications boost chatting with teams of
friends
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 like Snap and Facebook.
Hence
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, all the
time
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 apps introduce gifts for
this
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 category of people.
Therefore
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,
children
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 tend to
this
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 site without senses and become addicted.
In addition
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, colleagues create fun times to joke and play.To illustrate more, my elder son likes joining with football team to improve his bravery and cleverness.
Thus
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, he can not find adequate
time
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 to chat with us.
On the other hand
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, people should put strict roles to obtain balance between
friends
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 and family. First and foremost, kids acquire attitudes and values from their family in the first ages. In fact, families' produce and
friends
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 will be products. That means each family makes a good child and lets him share the communities and products the behaviours.
Consequently
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, I remember the study published in AL Watan newspaper in 2002 that said " Parents are responsible for how to produce their
children
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 and assign them as products in the country". In conclusion, I am convinced that young spend a lot of
time
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 with
friends
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 and consider the huge issues in the countries.
However
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, parents who limit the
time
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 and teach them to put a plan in life. In general, families have appropriate to create fun activities indoors and outdoors to attract
children
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.

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grammar
Ensure that all sentences are grammatically correct. For example, in the introduction, correct 'young expenditures' to 'young people spend' and 'stay at home for the least hours' to 'spend the least amount of time at home.'
coherence
Improve the logical flow by clearly linking each paragraph to the main topic. For instance, the transitions between discussing social apps and the values learned at home need more smooth integration.
task response
Make sure every main point is fully developed. For example, you mentioned children becoming addicted to social media apps but didn't fully explain the implications or provide sufficient depth.
task response
The essay provides a complete response to the task by addressing both parts of the question.
task response
The writer used relevant and specific examples to illustrate points, such as mentioning social media apps and family activities like football.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present and appropriately signal the start and end of the essay.
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