IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Your local council is closing the children’s playground in your locality as not many children visit the park. Write a letter to the council requesting not to close it. Include the following in your letter: – How important is the playground for children? – Why don’t children go to the playground? – What can be done to bring children back to the park?

#council #children’s #playground #locality #children #visit #park #don’t
Dear city council, I am writing a letter to beg you not to close the
children
’s
playground
 in our locality. The
playground
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant place for the vast majority of people including
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
show examples
children
 and an adult. The
playground
 was
build
Wrong verb form
built
show examples
 as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 place not only where the
children
 are able to play,
also
Correct word choice
but also
show examples
 where
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents watch and look after their
children
while
 they are having fun in a
playground
. Having a
playground
 in our locality has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant meaning, the
children
 are able to play and
fun
Add a missing verb
have fun
show examples
 with their friends.
Then
 it could be
a precious childhood memories
Correct the article-noun agreement
a precious childhood memory
precious childhood memories
show examples
 for them.
In addition
, having a
playground
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the adolescent stay active.
Due to
widely
Correct article usage
the widely
show examples
trending
Replace the word
trend
show examples
 of using mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
 tend to stay more inactive than
playing in
Verb problem
when they play
show examples
 outside nowadays. It could be
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 improvement for their wellness as well. From my point of view, the
playground
 should
be remain
Change the verb form
remain
show examples
 in our locality. Please consider my opinion. Sincerely,
Submitted by summer.na.9678 on

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task response
Address the specific points in the prompt clearly and thoroughly.
coherence and cohesion
Use appropriate paragraphing and cohesive devices to organize your ideas more clearly.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more appropriate and precise language to convey your ideas effectively.
grammatical range
Work on using a wider range of grammatical structures and ensure accurate use of grammar throughout the letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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