IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people think that older school children should learn a wide range of subjects and develop knowledge. But other people think that they should only learn a small number of subjects in detail. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #school #children #range #subjects #detail
Some people may think that learning a few
courses
 are beneficial for them.
Students
 can focus on learning these
courses
 and become experts in a field after graduation, making them easier to find a job.
However
, studying multiple
courses
 may distract
students
, resulting in ineffective learning. From my perspective,
this
 idea is reasonable.
First,
With the rapid technology,
students
 learning a range of
courses
 are more likely to be prosperous than one, their future occupation rapidly changing, and attaining many
subjects
 which cultivates
students
' abilities to adapt to future working. The advantage of learning a few
subjects
 is, It makes
students
 proficient and competitive, and
students
 have limited time in school. They should learn 2-3 core skills well. But these things can make some
students
 and parents feel disgusted. In conclusion, the education system needs to take a nuanced approach when deciding whether older schoolchildren should learn a wide range of
subjects
 or only a part of
subjects
 in detail. Ultimately, the decision aspirations of individual
students
 and educators should strive to provide them with a well-rounded education that equips them for success in their future careers and lives.
Submitted by 1339232976 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: