IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people believe that sports competition are a source of emotional stress for young people. Therefore youth should be banned from participating in sports competition. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #sports #competition #source #stress #youth
sports
 competitions are a source of emotional stress for youth,though ,should be encouraged to participate in the competition,avoiding
sports
 are not suggestable because, physical activities are good for health and they
also
 learn team cooperation,handling winning or losing the
game
.
Games
 are essential for kids,some
games
 need group people , and some
games
 can play with 3 or 4 members,so with
it
Add a comma
,it
show examples
 they will learn,team handling, learn different types of behaviour, winning or losing is part of the
game
 it should not be applied for daily life,daily practising towards the aim,kids will adopt the habit of routine practice on their interested
game
,etiologically-if one wanted to win wallball or shuttle,they need through practice,dedication on the passion of it. ,
secondly
Add a comma
,secondly
show examples
 a very less number of people are unable to handle the stress , because of the
short
Replace the word
shortage
show examples
 no of people we can not avoid activities ,which are good for our health
as well as
 wealth,it should be continued,encourage more upcoming generation members to participate more in the
sports
 which they like the more. The
game
 will shine the country's name in the world
sports
 competition like the Olympics, world cup,
ect
Correct your spelling
etc
., In ,conclusion
games
 are considered a healthy and wealthy thing if we add
Correct pronoun usage
them on
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 daily life,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will provide health and shine the country's name in worldwide competitions.
Submitted by karuna.mk220 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!