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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #attendance #entertainment #venues #admission #prices #summarise #features #comparisons
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The provided bar chart compares attendance at entertainment
venues
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the table gives information about the
entrance
Use synonyms
 prices for these
venues
Use synonyms
 in the year 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, Cinemas were the most attended
venues
Use synonyms
 having the least
entrance
Use synonyms
 fee whilst Sports
venues
Use synonyms
 were the least visited with the highest
entrance
Use synonyms
 cost. In
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
, Sports
venues
Use synonyms
 were the least attended
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
among other
venues
Use synonyms
 with about 150 thousand visitors.
However
Linking Words
, the prices for these
venues
Use synonyms
 were the most expensive except for Cricked games. All tickets for Football Games (AFL, NRL and NRU) were around $70 and about $285 for a family of 4 people. Basketball and Cricket games were quite cheap with $34 and $24 per person and $135 and $180 for Family tickets. Looking into non-sport
venues
Use synonyms
, Cinemas were the most popular among other entertainment
venues
Use synonyms
 with more than 1 million visitors. But prices for cinemas were the cheapest
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
among all events with only $15 per ticket and $55 for a Family of 4 people. When it comes to Theme Parks, they were the second both in attendance and pricing with almost 400 thousand people visiting it and having
$
Correct article usage
a $
show examples
70
entrance
Use synonyms
 fee per person
as well as
Linking Words
 $210 for Family Ticket.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words venues, entrance with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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