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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.
#results #survey #people #coffee #tea #habits #five #australian #cities
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The bar graph depicts the outcome of a survey in five Australian cities
regardign
Correct your spelling
regarding
people
Use synonyms
's
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea purchasing and consumption habits. it is clear from the graph that the majority of
people
Use synonyms
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 to go to a
coffee
Use synonyms
 shop in almost all towns.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, Sydney and
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 illustrate the same pattern. There was a slight difference where
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 was slightly higher in its figures
which
Correct word choice
when
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 bought instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 and went to a cafe, the bars represented 63% and 48% in
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Sydney
Change preposition
in Sydney
show examples
, it was about 4 per cent less
in contrast
Linking Words
 to
Melbourne
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 in the other three cities,
people
Use synonyms
 who had fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 had the same ratio except in Hobart which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
accounts for
38
Correct article usage
the 38
show examples
% mark. Instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 sales
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 approximately steady in the three
town
Change to a plural noun
towns
show examples
. For the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who went to a cafe, Hobart took
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first place, followed by Brisbane, and
lastly
Linking Words
 Adelaide.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we could say Adelaide was the only one that illustrated different
behiver
Correct your spelling
behaviour
 compared to the other cities because
people
Use synonyms
 who bought instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 in Adelaide were the most.
Submitted by hhh7c8 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, coffee, melbourne with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrate" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey results
  • coffee and tea buying habits
  • instant coffee
  • fresh coffee
  • cafe culture
  • social influences
  • economic factors
  • city demographics
  • seasonal trends
  • marketing strategies
  • consumer preferences
  • availability
  • popularity
  • consumption patterns
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