Today, many people use the internet and smartphones to transfer money to friends, family, and businesses. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #internet #smartphones #transfer #money #friends #businesses #development

In the past,

people

transferred

money

by direct deposit in a

bank

, but now

people

are transferring

money

by smartphones to friends, family, and for businesses.In my opinion,

this

is a positive development.

To begin

with, I have three ideas to illustrate why

that is

positive.

First,

internet

banking is convenient.

The

Correct article usage

Internet

show examples

internet

banking is so convenient that

people

can have a better life.

For example

,when

people

need to buy something with a lot of

money

, they do not need to go to the

bank

to deposit

money

because of

internet

Correct your spelling

Internet

show examples

banking technology.

Thus

people

can easily transfer

money

wherever they are, and

due to

the convenience, more

people

enjoy using

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

internet

banking.

Secondly

,There was

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

faster when

use

Change the verb form

using

show examples

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

due to

Change preposition

apply

show examples

in the past, when

people

want to deposit

money

they will go to the

bank

and

waiting

Correct article usage

the waiting

show examples

queue

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

was wasted time.

On the other hand

although

everyone has a smartphone

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

they do not have a queue to

use

therefore

people

using smartphones are faster than going to the

bank

Thirdly

, That was an idea that no one expected.

This

is saving because every time you transfer

money

to another

bank

, the

bank

will take a small charge, but if you

use

it more often, that will be too much

money

. In conclusion,

internet

banking is a positive development because it is convenient, fast, and saves

money

to make

people

use

internet

Correct your spelling

Internet

show examples

banking more .

Thus

, smartphones can improve

people

’s lives as much as

people

could expect.

Submitted by Tum01230 on Sun Apr 09 2023

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

247 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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Today, many people use the internet and smartphones to transfer money to friends, family, and businesses. Is this a positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Foreign language should be part of curriculum of the school. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that schools should invest more money in technology, such as more computers, while others think more money should be spent on teachers. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People who do not use social media networks* will always fall behind in career development opportunities. To what extent do you feel that this is an accurate and important prediction?