IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have helath problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #helath
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Passive
Correct article usage
A passive
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 lifestyle may be one of the main causes of cardiovascular
disiases
Correct your spelling
diseases
disease
. Since
people
 do not have enough
time
 or money for
fitness
 they tend to have less activity in their lives
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 required by doctors. In
this
case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
 setting up
fitness
 classes at
work
 or providing financial incentives may result in
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 issue. There are
two
 main reasons for insufficient exercise at
work
. First of all, employees are busy so they do not have free
time
 to go to the
fitness
 club before or after their job.
According to
 statistics,
people
 in Serbia
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 average spend from eight to ten hours at
work
,
two
 hours for commuting and the rest of
day
Correct article usage
the day
show examples
time
 at home.
Secondly
,
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 membership in
fitness
Correct article usage
a fitness
show examples
 club may be
expernsive
Correct your spelling
expensive
 for ordinary
people
.
For example
,
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of
membership
Correct article usage
a membership
show examples
 in
gym
Add an article
the gym
a gym
show examples
 in Belgrad may be about USD 1,000 for a year.
However
, worldwide experience has
two
 common solutions for these problems. One of them may be a creation by a company of
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 to have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
fitness
 at the office. It may help to have physical activity directly at
work
 if
people
 struggle to find free
time
 to
work-out
Correct your spelling
work out
show examples
.
For example
,
two
 years ago international IT companies (
such
 as Amazon or Google) set up Yoga classes at the office and
recieved
Correct your spelling
received
 positive feedback from their workers. Another point to consider is providing financial incentives to employees who would like to exercise on a regular basis. Since
price
 in
fitness
 clubs may be expensive, it will motivate
people
 to go there.
In other words
, if
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 compensate
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of
gym
Correct article usage
a gym
show examples
 membership and it may create an individual’s ability to exercise.
While
vast
Add an article
the vast
show examples
 majority of
people
due to
 different circumstances do not have enough
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activity, many health issues may arise. Active actions by employees need to be done in order to solve
this
 problem.
Submitted by korteseg on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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