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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.
The diagrams illustrate the construction of the Secondary
School
Use synonyms
 which was situated at West
Park
Use synonyms
 in 1950.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that the changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Secondary
Use synonyms
School
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
show examples
. The process consists of three stages
such
Linking Words
 as developing the car
park
Use synonyms
, sports field and science block whether removing the
houses
Use synonyms
 and farmland In terms of
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 stage, there was a
school
Use synonyms
 and playground on the right side,
while
Linking Words
houses
Use synonyms
 and farmland were on the left side in 1950.
Besides
Linking Words
,
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 road was on the top side of the
houses
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
School
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
show examples
.
Second
Change the article
The second
show examples
 stage is that
houses
Use synonyms
 were converted
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the car
park
Use synonyms
 and science
block
Fix the agreement mistake
blocks
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 the farmland
turned
Add a missing verb
was turned
show examples
 into a sports field
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1980.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
school
Use synonyms
 developed
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a
school
Use synonyms
 main building.
Third
Add an article
The third
show examples
 and final stage, in 2010 car
park
Use synonyms
 was expanded and was decreased the size of
sports
Add an article
the sports
show examples
 field.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 road,
school
Use synonyms
 main building, science block and playground remained unchanged.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school, park, houses with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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