The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.

#diagrams #show #changes #place #west #park #school #construction

The diagrams illustrate the construction of the Secondary

School

which was situated at West

Park

in 1950.

Overall

, it can be clearly seen that the changes

Change preposition

show examples

Secondary

School

Fix the agreement mistake

Schools

show examples

. The process consists of three stages

such

as developing the car

park

, sports field and science block whether removing the

houses

and farmland In terms of

first

Change the article

the first

show examples

stage, there was a

school

and playground on the right side,

while

houses

and farmland were on the left side in 1950.

Besides

main

Change the article

the main

show examples

road was on the top side of the

houses

and

School

Fix the agreement mistake

Schools

show examples

Second

Change the article

The second

show examples

stage is that

houses

were converted

Change preposition

into

show examples

the car

park

and science

block

Fix the agreement mistake

blocks

show examples

as well as

the farmland

turned

Add a missing verb

was turned

show examples

into a sports field

during

Change preposition

show examples

1980.

Moreover

, the

school

developed

Change preposition

into

show examples

school

main building.

Third

Add an article

The third

show examples

and final stage, in 2010 car

park

was expanded and was decreased the size of

sports

Add an article

the sports

show examples

field.

On the other hand

main

Correct article usage

the main

show examples

road,

school

main building, science block and playground remained unchanged.

Submitted by opshorajhumpa2001 on Sun Apr 09 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.

▼

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.

▼

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.

▼

Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words school, park, houses with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.

▼

Do you want to check your IELTS writing?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

158 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Parents play a crucial role in shaping the developmental trajectory of their children. Consequently, some parents advocate the pursuit of childhood dreams contingent upon diligent effort. This essay posits that while such guidance can be advantageous for children's overall development, it also carries potential drawbacks, particularly in relation to mental health.
6
band
The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved?
Due to the change in behaviors, there are more and more populations, especially at the younger age than before, who are experiencing obesity, consequently leading to other severe health problems such as heart disease, diabetes, or even emotional illness. In this essay, I will discuss the impetus behind this trend and outline some potential solutions.
4.5
band
Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, while other people think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen on TV and the Internet. Discuss both the views and give your opinion
Many opine that to improve knowledge about other countries humans beings should travel abroad ,however, some people claim this is not essential because of accessing all information on the Internet and televisions. From my point of view ,I believe that to learn about other reasons searching on the internet and watching programmes on TV are not adequate.
4.5
band
People aim to achieve the balance between their work and lives, but few people achieve it. What are the problems if people try to achieve this balance? How to overcome these problem
In the fast- paced world, balancing professional and personal life becomes top-notch priority for numerous people, on the contrary, there are merely a tiny number of individuals who achieve it. This problem results from the fact that crowds usually put all their efforts in one specific aspect and sacrifice others, however, time management or government policies will be an effective solution to deal with it.
7.5
band
The chart illustrates the amount of money spent on five consumer goods (cars, computers, books, perfume and cameras) in France and the UK in 2010. Units are measured in pounds sterling. Write about it in 150 words.
The graph depicts the expenditure of France and the United Kingdom on cars, computers, books, perfume and cameras in the year 2010.

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved?

Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, while other people think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen on TV and the Internet. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

People aim to achieve the balance between their work and lives, but few people achieve it. What are the problems if people try to achieve this balance? How to overcome these problem

The chart illustrates the amount of money spent on five consumer goods (cars, computers, books, perfume and cameras) in France and the UK in 2010. Units are measured in pounds sterling. Write about it in 150 words.