IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays we see an increase in social problems involving teenagers. Many people believe that it is because parents spend more time at work and less with their children. Do you agree or disagree?

#teenagers #people #parents #time #work #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 present world, we recognize the rate of rapid growth
use
Use synonyms
 of social
platforms
Use synonyms
 regarding youth. Numerous people consider that it's
due to
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
' focus on working and less looking after their
kids
Use synonyms
. I personally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as
parents
Use synonyms
 are not solely accountable for taking care of their
kids
Use synonyms
,
as well as
Linking Words
 they educate their
children
Use synonyms
 to
use
Use synonyms
 social
platforms
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 their time to work in the office more than stay at home to get on well with their
children
Use synonyms
. Because they just follow the standard of society in order to hunt for success quickly
as a result
Linking Words
 from they can't balance their life and their work.
For example
Linking Words
,
According to
Linking Words
 the standard of society, people need to have nice cars and houses prior to 30 ages, it's led to people have peer pressure and dedicate to working in the office.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they neglect to take care of their
children
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they will educate their
kids
Use synonyms
 on how to
use
Use synonyms
 social
platforms
Use synonyms
 to avoid negating things that affect their
children
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they will need to track social
kids
Use synonyms
' activities in order to prevent bad things and guide them to gain some knowledge to adapt to in the future.
For instance
Linking Words
, they need to check day-by-day the
children
Use synonyms
's
platforms
Use synonyms
 associated with the government to cooperate together to protect and develop
children
Use synonyms
's skills in their country.
Thus
Linking Words
, they need to be educated using social
platforms
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, Despite the evidence that few individuals can express their ideas and emotions without the guidance of
parents
Use synonyms
.
Parents
Use synonyms
 should spend a considerable amount of time with
children
Use synonyms
, to nurture them in an effective way by inculcating a variety of soft skills which in turn help them to become better citizens of society.
Submitted by nguyenhungvy090499 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are mostly present but could be improved for better clarity and relevance.
task achievement
The essay mostly addresses the task and presents clear and comprehensive ideas. However, relevant specific examples could be further developed for better illustration and support.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: