Some people say that if old spend time and get along with others and exercise everydau they will become fit. However , these day older people are usually lonely and do not talk to others which makes them unfit and unhappy. Whta are the reason fot this? How can this be resolved?

Despite the fact that it is widely known that
people
doesn’t
Change the verb form
don’t
show examples
get along or communicate with others
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
them unfit and unhappy, thereby causing a disease
such
as depression, having said that, older
people
tend to stay alone nowadays. From my point of view,
this
was caused
due to
the
widely trending
Replace the word
wide trend
show examples
of using a mobile phone. It is broadly believed that excessive
using
Wrong verb form
use of
show examples
a mobile phone
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
addicted to it.
Furthermore
, it is believed that it causes
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental health problems
such
as depression as well. The
widely
Change the adverb
wide
show examples
trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
show examples
of older
people
tend to stay alone
instead
of communicating or hanging out with others makes them
staying
Wrong verb form
stay
show examples
at home and never
talking
Wrong verb form
talk
show examples
with somebody all day. It could lead to serious mental problems
such
as anxiety or depression.
In addition
, it could be the trigger of obesity as well. In my opinion, joining the local
community
is
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
one of the solutions
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
problem. Joining the local
force
Fix the agreement mistake
forces
show examples
older
people
to communicate with others in order to accomplish something together. From my experience, there was a mini golf club or a walking club in the local
community
in my home town. Older
people
in my home town
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
show examples
they love to join the
community
, and they always
looked
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
healthy and happy.
Additionally
, they are all aged
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more than 85 years old. It could be the trigger for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
long life.
Lastly
, I believe the
widely
Change the adverb
wide
show examples
trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
show examples
of excessive
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
a
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
makes older
people
tend to stay alone
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
unhealthy and unhappy. Having said that, joining a local
community
could be
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
one of the solutions
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
problem.
Submitted by summer.na.9678 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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