Some people say that if old spend time and get along with others and exercise everydau they will become fit. However , these day older people are usually lonely and do not talk to others which makes them unfit and unhappy. Whta are the reason fot this? How can this be resolved?
Despite the fact that it is widely known that
people
doesn’t
get along or communicate with others Change the verb form
don’t
make
them unfit and unhappy, thereby causing a disease Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
such
as depression, having said that, older people
tend to stay alone nowadays. From my point of view, this
was caused due to
the widely trending
of using a mobile phone. It is broadly believed that excessive Replace the word
wide trend
using
a mobile phone Wrong verb form
use of
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
people
addicted to it. Furthermore
, it is believed that it causes a
mental health problems Correct article usage
apply
such
as depression as well. The widely
Change the adverb
wide
trends
of older Fix the agreement mistake
trend
people
tend to stay alone instead
of communicating or hanging out with others makes them staying
at home and never Wrong verb form
stay
talking
with somebody all day. It could lead to serious mental problems Wrong verb form
talk
such
as anxiety or depression. In addition
, it could be the trigger of obesity as well. In my opinion, joining the local community
is the
one of the solutions Change the article
apply
for
Change preposition
to
this
problem. Joining the local force
older Fix the agreement mistake
forces
people
to communicate with others in order to accomplish something together. From my experience, there was a mini golf club or a walking club in the local community
in my home town. Older people
in my home town seems
they love to join the Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
community
, and they always looked
healthy and happy. Wrong verb form
look
Additionally
, they are all aged by
more than 85 years old. It could be the trigger for Change preposition
apply
the
long life. Correct article usage
a
Lastly
, I believe the widely
Change the adverb
wide
trends
of excessive Fix the agreement mistake
trend
using
Wrong verb form
use
a
mobile Correct your spelling
of
phone
makes older Fix the agreement mistake
phones
people
tend to stay alone and
unhealthy and unhappy. Having said that, joining a local Correct word choice
apply
community
could be the
one of the solutions Change the article
apply
for
Change preposition
to
this
problem.Submitted by summer.na.9678 on
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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion