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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some think the best way is to use the death penalty as a deterrent, many people believe that other measures will be needed

#crimes #year #think #death #penalty #deterrent #people #measures
In the present scenario, crime rates are being increased day by day. Some people opine that these can be reduced by declaring the death sentences as people give more importance to their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. At the same time ,
Correct pronoun usage
there
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are individuals who argue that new measures can be introduced to deal with
this
.
However
,In
this
 essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument.
Firstly
, when analysing the point punishing with the death sentence is a very good method to reduce the crime rates. At present, individuals don't even care about penalizing it's only because of the silly punishments that
mean
Verb problem
apply
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our law system needs to be improved.
Whereas
,In my personal perspective, a death warrant is the biggest punishment for a culprit as mentioned earlier society is selfish when
coming
Wrong verb form
it comes
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 to their lives.
Moreover
,these, kinds of retributions will help us to create a sense of awareness about the effect of any sort of offence.
Secondly
, when
coming
Wrong verb form
it comes
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 to the concept of giving any other kind of punishment like paying a penalty or
should be sent
Wrong verb form
sending
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 to jail for a certain period of time, these are the common retributions given to the criminals or culprits by the court but the fact is that they are totally happy with it ,as they know these punishments will not harm them,
instead
 it will provide them with a temporary shelter without any payments.
Although
,
it is clear that
 these will not help in reducing the offences. In my opinion, the most effective method is to punish them in the same way as the crime committed.
For example
, if a person does any theft he or she should be sent under the bar or be fined for a certain amount of money.
Otherwise
, a criminal who rapes anyone should be punished in a brutal way like removing genetics.
Further
, a murderer should be given a decease sentence.
Although
, with these kinds of retributions crimes can be controlled. In conclusion, increasing crimes can only be controlled by imposing strict penalizing.
Moreover
, society should be given various awareness sessions regarding crimes. Apart from these children should be aware of the law.fewer atrocities will help to create a happy world.
Submitted by ameeshaaa19 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearer and more thorough. Make sure to support your main points in a more detailed and organized manner. Focus on providing a complete response to the task question and use relevant specific examples to support your ideas.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly address the task question and provide comprehensive ideas. Support your points with relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation
  • ethical considerations
  • economic factors
  • social factors
  • community policing
  • public opinion
  • recidivism rates
  • community-driven initiatives
  • modern policing methods
  • death penalty
  • serious crimes
  • crime rates
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