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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selection and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selection and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The first diagram illustrates the process of
salmon
Use synonyms
 life, and the second diagram shows the size of
salmon
Use synonyms
 over
three
Use synonyms
 different periods.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there are
three
Use synonyms
 stages in the
salmon
Use synonyms
 life, beginning with a
salmon
Use synonyms
 egg and ending with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
laying the egg.
Salmon
Use synonyms
 live in
three
Use synonyms
 different places when they are in
three
Use synonyms
 different sizes.
At the first stage
Linking Words
 in
salmon
Use synonyms
 life, the fry that size 3 to 8 cm live in the lower river which has fast flowing approx 4 years.
Then
Linking Words
 the smolt when
salmon
Use synonyms
 grow to 12 to 15 cm goes to open sea living. Approx 5 years later,
salmon
Use synonyms
 will be adult, and the size becomes 70 to 76 cm. Adult
salmon
Use synonyms
 go back to their birthplace upper river which is so slow-moving that helps adult
salmon
Use synonyms
 safely lay eggs under reeds and next to small stones.
Salmon
Use synonyms
 eggs will become

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon, three with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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