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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that public health is the responsibility of the government, while others believe that individuals should be responsible for their own health. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #health #responsibility #government #individuals
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There has been much of a debate revolving around the issue regarding who is responsible for public
health
Use synonyms
. Some assert that it is
Use synonyms
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 matter of concern,
whereas
Linking Words
 others argue that it can be
self addressed
Add a hyphen
self-addressed
show examples
. Before giving my opinion, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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views will be discussed.
According to
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 the prior view, the primary reason why
Use synonyms
government
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the government
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 should look after their population's
health
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 is having access to enough funds.
This
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 is to say that,
Correct article usage
the ministry
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ministry
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ministries
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 have enough money collected from various sources which they can utilize in
healthcare
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the healthcare
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 sector. Take India as an example,
majority
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the majority
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 of the population
in
Correct your spelling
is
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 below
poverty
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the poverty
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 line,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 do not have spare money to look after their
health
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.
As a result
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, they have shorter life-span.
Moreover
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,
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government
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the government
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 should build better hospital facilities and spread
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 regarding regular check-ups.
In other words
Linking Words
, people in rural
ares
Correct your spelling
areas
 should be educated about how to take care of themselves by getting full body check-ups on regular events. Obviously, self-care is equally important owing to the fact that we know our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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 better than anyone else. More specifically, despite
of
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apply
show examples
various efforts of
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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, if
self care
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self-care
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 is not taken properly, all the efforts are in vain.
To sum up
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, having considered both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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views, I believe
government
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 should be more responsible for
Correct article usage
the public's
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public's
Change noun form
public
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health
Use synonyms
 rather than them taking their own care.
Submitted by avimistry333 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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