IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Write about the following topic. There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important reason/factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #factors #people #workforce #money #reason #factor
Numerous
factors
 contribute to engaging
people
 in their work or business.
It is
Correct pronoun usage
Is
show examples
 argued that
money
 is one of the most important
factors
 to motivate
people
while
 others are of the view that self-satisfaction and
health
 are far more crucial rather than
money
. I agreed with the fact that
money
 is one of the vital
factors
 to motivate
people
 to stay focused and active.
Motivation
 is the need of the hour for many individuals to stay focused and attentive toward their business or job.
This
motivation
 can largely be drawn from the
money
 he/she earned. Since everyone needs
money
 in one way or other to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the basic needs of daily life and to transform his/her lifestyle.
Similarly
, many multinational entities tend to attract or engage their employees by offering yearly Bonuses, cash prizes, and appreciation tokens.
People
 all around the world travel to different cities and countries in search of a good job and ultimately to earn enough
money
 to enjoy life. Mental
health
 and self-satisfaction are deemed as crucial as
money
.
Therefore
,
money
 should not come at the cost of
health
 and other disturbing
factors
.
Furthermore
, the extent of
motivation
 depends upon the individuals since some
people
 achieve
motivation
 through
money
while
 other needs appreciation.
Similarly
, peoples prefer family and friends gathering over extra
money
 or extra earnings.
Such
 peoples draw
motivation
 from their families or friends. Work environment and task completion are amongst the attributes that play their part in
motivation
.
To sum up
,
money
 is the principal factor
while
 attracting
people
 to the workforce or business.
However
, family,
health
, and social life should not be compromised for the sack of
money
.
Submitted by ahmed.22waqas on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: