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Band 4

Should money spent by governments on space programmes be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals?

#money #governments #space #programmes #services #schools #hospitals
There is a debate going on in the present age,
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 the
government
 should spend more
money
 on public services, rather than on various
space
programmes
. Some
people
 assert that schools, orphanages and hospitals should get the majority of the nationalities' finances,
whereas
 many others argue that
space
 studies are equally important investments. Personally, I am in favour of the latter view, as I think that spending
money
 on
space
programmes
 is the same as spending it on education. It is generally believed that public services have to be one of the most important things that the
government
 focuses
the
Change the word
its
show examples
money
 on. Undeniably, schools, nursing homes, hospitals,
orphanages
Correct word choice
and orphanages
show examples
 are the institutions that require
money
 from the outside the most, as there is no business they can benefit from.
Furthermore
, there are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
 that want to work in public services
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, as the paycheck is very low in that work area. Following that, if the
government
 cuts the financing for public institutions, there will be no staff left to help
people
 that need it the most.
In contrast
, some others may claim that outer
space
 studies should be our main financial focus, as it is the investment in our
futures
Fix the agreement mistake
future
show examples
. More precisely, it could be said that investing in
space
 exploration is the same as investing in education, as we learn new things about the cosmos
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. To add
to
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apply
show examples
, if
people
 would stop exploring outside of the earth
due to
 financial issues, we would stop progressing as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity, as we will never get to know if we are the only ones alive in the universe. If the
government
 would stop financing
space
programmes
, there will be no
further
 progression for us as a human species. Having considered both views, I think the authorities should not stop financing
space
programmes
.
Although
 there are issues deciding
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which thing should get more
money
, there should be more professionals working in the
money
 distribution field.
Submitted by oimigle on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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