It has become more easier and more affordable for people to travel to other countries.  Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and relevant examples from your experience.

Nowadays,
people
who want to travel to other
countries
could be
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
easier. By
this
development, I consider it would have a positive impact on
regading
Correct your spelling
regarding
reading
people
's experience living in abroad and the
tourism
places
in their
country
could be neglected as a negative side. I will elaborate more on
this
essay. On the one hand, if
people
have
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
easiness to go abroad, they would have many experiences
regading
Correct your spelling
regarding
cultures from other
countries
.
By
Change preposition
Through
show examples
this
experience, they would
be
Verb problem
become
show examples
more mature and more tolerant
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
other
people
.
For example
,
people
who travel to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries
which have different
lifestyle
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lifestyles
show examples
and even
religion
Fix the agreement mistake
religions
show examples
, as strangers,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
must appreciate the domestic
people
in that
country
.
This
situation would form their self-maturity to compromise with other
people
.
In addition
, easiness
to
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of
show examples
travel to other
countries
could be a method to release
people
's
stressful
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stress
show examples
from their work. They would like to become more enjoyable and
this
way
is
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apply
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expected to be more energetic when they go back to their work schedule.
On the other hand
,
people
who prefer to
going
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go
show examples
to another
country
rather than their
countries
would generate a negative impact on their
tourism
places
. It is because some
people
consider they could go to
other
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
country
with
a
Change the article
an
show examples
affordable budget,
as a result
, some
tourism
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tourist
show examples
places
in their
country
are neglected and the
people
around there who rely on visitors
have
Add a missing verb
do have
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not a sufficient income.
This
certainly affects
to
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apply
show examples
the stability of
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
in a
country
. In conclusion,
people
have a positive experience regarding their ability to be more adaptable with other
people
and
this
could be a tool to stress away from their work.
Also
, the negative side is related to the domestic
tourism
places
which could be neglected.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay showed some logical flow, but the introduction and conclusion need improvement. Try to provide a more comprehensive and clear response to the prompt. Additionally, include more relevant and specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Your essay falls short in terms of task achievement. Make sure to provide a complete and comprehensive response to the prompt. Your ideas are somewhat clear but lack relevant and specific examples to fully support your points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advancements in transportation
  • Cultural curiosity
  • Economic reasons
  • Globalization
  • Educational opportunities
  • Digital nomadism
  • Healthcare tourism
  • Tourism industry growth
  • Personal development
  • Interconnectedness
  • Higher living standards
  • Remote work
  • Broaden their horizons
  • Affordable travel
  • Medical treatments
  • Global perspective
  • Air travel options
  • Cuisines
  • Lifestyles
  • Job opportunities
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