It has become more easier and more affordable for people to travel to other countries. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and relevant examples from your experience.
Nowadays,
people
who want to travel to other countries
could be more
easier. By Change the word
apply
this
development, I consider it would have a positive impact on regading
Correct your spelling
regarding
reading
people
's experience living in abroad and the tourism
places
in their country
could be neglected as a negative side. I will elaborate more on this
essay.
On the one hand, if people
have an
easiness to go abroad, they would have many experiences Correct article usage
the
regading
cultures from other Correct your spelling
regarding
countries
. By
Change preposition
Through
this
experience, they would be
more mature and more tolerant Verb problem
become
to
other Change preposition
of
people
. For example
, people
who travel to the
Correct article usage
apply
countries
which have different lifestyle
and even Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
religion
, as strangers, Fix the agreement mistake
religions
they
must appreciate the domestic Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
in that country
. This
situation would form their self-maturity to compromise with other people
. In addition
, easiness to
travel to other Change preposition
of
countries
could be a method to release people
's stressful
from their work. They would like to become more enjoyable and Replace the word
stress
this
way is
expected to be more energetic when they go back to their work schedule.
Unnecessary verb
apply
On the other hand
, people
who prefer to going
to another Change the verb
go
country
rather than their countries
would generate a negative impact on their tourism
places
. It is because some people
consider they could go to other
Change the wording
another country
other countries
country
with a
affordable budget, Change the article
an
as a result
, some tourism
Replace the word
tourist
places
in their country
are neglected and the people
around there who rely on visitors have
not a sufficient income. Add a missing verb
do have
This
certainly affects to
the stability of Change preposition
apply
economy
in a Add an article
the economy
country
.
In conclusion, people
have a positive experience regarding their ability to be more adaptable with other people
and this
could be a tool to stress away from their work. Also
, the negative side is related to the domestic tourism
places
which could be neglected.Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay showed some logical flow, but the introduction and conclusion need improvement. Try to provide a more comprehensive and clear response to the prompt. Additionally, include more relevant and specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Your essay falls short in terms of task achievement. Make sure to provide a complete and comprehensive response to the prompt. Your ideas are somewhat clear but lack relevant and specific examples to fully support your points.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite