The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #individuals #internet #companies #organisations #outweigh

It is common for companies to ask for staff or customers' personal

information

such

as passport ID, driving licence and bank details and save it on their cloud data or on the system.

Therefore

, the question arises whether our personal

information

is safe. I believe that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the cons outweigh the pros,

hence

this

essay we will discuss these and

thus

, come up with a reasoned conclusion.

Firstly

, we look at some of the advantages of providing private details. It is convenient to have your

information

stored in the system for future reference because it is a hassle to carry a hard copy of your passport or date of birth with us all the time.

Moreover

, there is a risk of losing the hard copy as well,

as a result

, it is beneficial to have them stored and available whenever it is needed.

For example

, whenever I go to my internet provider or have work-related problems with the organisation, it is easy to have our

information

ready when they search by our name on the system.

Hence

, people find it convenient to have them stored and ready to use.

On the other hand

due to

the cybercrime growing each day, our detail is at constant risk.

Although

, companies assure us of the strong firewall and safety they maintain for the details, there is no security

that is

100% secure. Each day we hear news of identity theft and people's personal data has been compromised.

For instance

, many of us get spam emails, and messages on phones from an unknown source advertising it. Hackers get our

information

from the data pool and spam us with it nonstop.

Therefore

, the negative aspect of personal

detail

Fix the agreement mistake

details

show examples

online can not be ignored. In conclusion, I vehemently believe that the negative side surpasses the positive side.

Submitted by den_wei20 on Tue Apr 11 2023

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Task Response

The essay provides a partial response to the task by exploring advantages and disadvantages, but lacks depth and balance in discussing the issue.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The supporting ideas are loosely connected, and there is room for improvement in the organization and linking of ideas.

Lexical Resource

The lexical resource used in the essay is adequate, but there is a need for more varied vocabulary and better word choice to enhance the expression of ideas.

Grammatical Range

There are noticeable and recurring grammatical errors throughout the essay. A wider range of sentence structures and more accurate use of grammar is required.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

300 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with the police or the military. Others think that women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. To what extend do you agree or disagree?