IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the change in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. summrise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the change in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. summrise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The figures compare the changes in the proportion of using washing machines, refrigerators and vacuum cleaners over a period of 99 years
along with
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 a figure about
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 spent per week on chores over the same period of
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. In 1920 Refrigerators has the lowest proportion in households,
,
Change the punctuation
apply

The punctuation in , , is incorrect. Consider changing the punctuation.

show examples
Linking Words
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase however. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
 It took over the other tools just after 1940 and remain the most used appliance. The two other instruments saw a similar rise from 1920 to 1960 but after the vacuum cleaner overtook the washing machine and get to the top beside the Refrigerator. The figures show that the housework percentage is decreased over the period of
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, over the first 40
years
Add a comma
,years

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase over the first 40 years. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
 housework hours per week saw a dramatically decreasing of around 30% and it relatively remain at
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 level for the rest of the
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
To sum up
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
It is clear that
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 using electrical appliances in households are increased as opposed to the number of hours spent on chores saw a decrease over approximately a century.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: