The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.

#graphs #show #numbers #workers #employment #sectors #republic #freedonia

The diagrams compare the male and female employment status in six different

job

sectors

in two different years – 1975 and 1995. As is seen from the given illustration, men were well ahead of women in all the

job

sectors

in Freedonia in 1975.

However

, the scenario changed in 1995 and

Correct article usage

the women

show examples

women

Change noun form

women's

show examples

employment scenario showed

Remove the article

apply

show examples

remarkable progress.

According to

the charts, men in Freedonia were visibly ahead of females in manufacturing, finance/banking, wholesale & retail trade, defence and non-defence

sectors

. In manufacturing, more than 600 male

employees

could be seen against only 300 female

employees

out of a thousand

employees

. Except in the communication

sector

, the proportion of male

employees

was far greater than that of females. Among the given

job

sectors

, the public /non-defence

sector

had the highest number of

employees

while

the defence

sector

had the least ratio of

employees

. After 20 years, women showed an outstanding advancement in these

job

sectors

and they went well ahead of men in

communication

Correct article usage

the communication

show examples

, wholesale & retail trade

sectors

. They become almost equal in number in finance and banking jobs

while

the gap between male and female

employees’

Change noun form

employees

show examples

number reduced in defence jobs. The only

sector

still dominated by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

male was manufacturing and the

job

ratio in

this

sector

remained almost the same as it was 20 years earlier.

Submitted by Murod / Maksud on Wed Apr 12 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words job, sectors, employees, sector with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.

▼

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

220 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Online education is becoming more and more popular. Some people claim that e-learning has so many benefits that it will replace face-to-face education soon. Others say that traditional education is irreplaceable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Compared to past, more people are now trying to learn a foreign language to increase their chances of landing a better job in their native country or to have better opportunities to work abroad. To what extent do you agree with this point of view?

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing, and their health and fitness are suffering. What do you think are the causes of this and what measures could be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+