The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.

#graphs #show #numbers #workers #employment #sectors #republic #freedonia

The diagrams compare the male and female employment status in six different

job

sectors

in two different years – 1975 and 1995. As is seen from the given illustration, men were well ahead of women in all the

job

sectors

in Freedonia in 1975.

However

, the scenario changed in 1995 and

Correct article usage

the women

show examples

women

Change noun form

women's

show examples

employment scenario showed

Remove the article

apply

show examples

remarkable progress.

According to

the charts, men in Freedonia were visibly ahead of females in manufacturing, finance/banking, wholesale & retail trade, defence and non-defence

sectors

. In manufacturing, more than 600 male

employees

could be seen against only 300 female

employees

out of a thousand

employees

. Except in the communication

sector

, the proportion of male

employees

was far greater than that of females. Among the given

job

sectors

, the public /non-defence

sector

had the highest number of

employees

while

the defence

sector

had the least ratio of

employees

. After 20 years, women showed an outstanding advancement in these

job

sectors

and they went well ahead of men in

communication

Correct article usage

the communication

show examples

, wholesale & retail trade

sectors

. They become almost equal in number in finance and banking jobs

while

the gap between male and female

employees’

Change noun form

employees

show examples

number reduced in defence jobs. The only

sector

still dominated by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

male was manufacturing and the

job

ratio in

this

sector

remained almost the same as it was 20 years earlier.

Submitted by Murod / Maksud on Wed Apr 12 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words job, sectors, employees, sector with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.

▼

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

220 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.

Some people think that the media has to right to publish detail of people’s view, while other thinks it should be controlled. Discuss both views.

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Sea Glider Shows Underwater Potential what it mean?

Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?