Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #people #cell #phone #security #cameras #cases #development

Technology is believed to be used for monitoring what people are saying and doing (

for example

, through cellphone tracking and

security

cameras

). In many cases, the people being monitored are not aware that

this

is happening. In my opinion, I strongly think that the benefits of

this

development outweigh the drawbacks. Advocates of

this

idea base their ground on the fact that the rate of crimes reduces recently. To be more specific, with the advantages of cellphone tracking and

security

cameras

, the police have

ability

Change the article

the ability

show examples

to find more

effectively

Replace the word

effective

show examples

and

efficiency

Replace the word

efficiently

show examples

For example

, when there is a bank robbery, a policeman just needs to watch the

security

cameras

of the bank,

then

Correct word choice

and then

show examples

he will identify the appearance of a criminal.

Then

he can catch him in a short time.

Therefore

, it is

cleared

Replace the word

clear

show examples

that before committing an

offense

Change the spelling

offence

show examples

, a criminal tends to think carefully as he understands that he will be caught soon.

However

this

development

also

has a disadvantage which is individual liberty might be disturbed.

In other words

, it is

undenied

Replace the word

undeniable

show examples

that cellphone tracking and

security

cameras

record all the activities of

humane

Replace the word

humans

show examples

, even in private situations

such

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sad story or

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

embarrassed

Replace the word

embarrassing

show examples

moments they don’t want to share. Because of

this

, technology might result in unpleasantness for people. All in all, it

Correct your spelling

show examples

obvious that

although

technology might violate people’s privacy in some ways by recording all

the

Change the word

their

show examples

activities, I still think the development of it will bring about several benefits

such

as reducing the rate of crimes.

Submitted by kakaka03 on Wed Apr 12 2023

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

253 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The first man to walk on the moon claimed it was a step forward for mankind. However, it has made little difference in most people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Young children have a special talent for language learning. Children should be taught other languages at an early age. Although learning for children is not easy, they need a new method to understand the subject. They can use a new method from a book, such as a picture book.

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