IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People are having more and more sugar- based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less?

#people #sugar- #drinks #drink
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the era of technological advancement and globalization, it is not a challenge for anyone to gain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recognition
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 product consumption. Regarding the issue, a group of individuals have commonplace in consuming sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
 in their daily life. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, the reasons and solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem will be taken into in-depth analysis.
To begin
Linking Words
, there are a number of origins to be raised in relation to
this
Linking Words
 fact. The first cause for
this
Linking Words
 is that
Use synonyms
sugar based
Add a hyphen
sugar-based
show examples
drinks
Use synonyms
 provide
people
Use synonyms
 with enough energy for a whole day, which
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great value for the youth nowadays. Because of the development of society, the demand for work
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 significant growth.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to face with many pressure in life and easy to
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their energy. using a bottle of
high
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 amount
drinks
Use synonyms
 is because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that to become more and more familiar.
In addition
Linking Words
 to the factor aforementioned, I
also
Linking Words
 believe that the variety of
flavor
Fix the agreement mistake
flavors
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and colors
show examples
colors
Change the spelling
colours
show examples
 play an important part in
this
Linking Words
drink
Use synonyms
 consumption, which attracts
people
Use synonyms
 to buy and enjoy. Sugary
Use synonyms
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
 are
also
Linking Words
 really cheap, so
people
Use synonyms
 can buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 easily without being confused. Taking the incident that
Coca cola
Add a hyphen
Coca-cola
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 many attractive advertisements of buy one get one, which
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
show examples
 the interest of customers.
Conversely
Linking Words
, some viable solutions to the phenomenon can be suggested in order to diminish the adverse side of
this
Linking Words
. On the societal scale, it is fax enhancement
that is
Linking Words
 in charge of the purpose to increase the cost of
this
Linking Words
 product. When the price becomes more expensive, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 buying products will decrease as they
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not much money to pay for that
drink
Use synonyms
. Another reasonable measure that would be introduced is that sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
 can enhance the awareness of
people
Use synonyms
, which can make those feel confused and realize the disadvantages of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy
drink
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Harvard
university’s
Correct your spelling
University’s
show examples
 study of health care, 100
milliliters
Change the spelling
millilitres
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
sugar- based
Correct your spelling
sugar-based
show examples
drink
Use synonyms
contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
show examples
 about 50%
sugar
Use synonyms
 and other unknown chemicals. All of these things are the main reasons to cause several health care problems
such
Linking Words
 as high blood
sugar
Use synonyms
,
diabete
Correct your spelling
diabetes
 or even heart attack. As for the original ideas, there are many reasons to cause these problems, namely the demand for energy and the variety in appearances and prices of these unhealthy
drinks
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, increasing the fax and
people
Use synonyms
’s awareness is
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 feasible ideas to solve the problems of high
Use synonyms
Add a hyphen
sugar-based
show examples
sugar- based
Correct your spelling
sugar-based
show examples
 consumption in
people
Use synonyms
Submitted by joyce.ta213 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: