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Band 4.5

People are having more and more sugar- based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less?

In the era of technological advancement and globalization, it is not a challenge for anyone to gain
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recognition
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 product consumption. Regarding the issue, a group of individuals have commonplace in consuming sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
 in their daily life. In
this
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 essay, the reasons and solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
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 problem will be taken into in-depth analysis.
To begin
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, there are a number of origins to be raised in relation to
this
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 fact. The first cause for
this
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 is that
Use synonyms
sugar based
Add a hyphen
sugar-based
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drinks
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 provide
people
Use synonyms
 with enough energy for a whole day, which
bring
Change the verb form
brings
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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great value for the youth nowadays. Because of the development of society, the demand for work
have
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has
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 significant growth.
Therefore
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,
people
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 tend to face with many pressure in life and easy to
loose
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lose
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 their energy. using a bottle of
high
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high-sugar
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sugar
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 amount
drinks
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 is because
of
Change preposition
apply
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that to become more and more familiar.
In addition
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 to the factor aforementioned, I
also
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 believe that the variety of
flavor
Fix the agreement mistake
flavors
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,
Correct word choice
and colors
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colors
Change the spelling
colours
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 play an important part in
this
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drink
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 consumption, which attracts
people
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 to buy and enjoy. Sugary
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drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
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 are
also
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 really cheap, so
people
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 can buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 easily without being confused. Taking the incident that
Coca cola
Add a hyphen
Coca-cola
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have
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has
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 many attractive advertisements of buy one get one, which
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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 the interest of customers.
Conversely
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, some viable solutions to the phenomenon can be suggested in order to diminish the adverse side of
this
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. On the societal scale, it is fax enhancement
that is
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 in charge of the purpose to increase the cost of
this
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 product. When the price becomes more expensive, the number of
people
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 buying products will decrease as they
have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not much money to pay for that
drink
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. Another reasonable measure that would be introduced is that sugary
drinks
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 can enhance the awareness of
people
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, which can make those feel confused and realize the disadvantages of
the
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apply
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unhealthy
drink
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.
According to
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the
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apply
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Harvard
university’s
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University’s
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 study of health care, 100
milliliters
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millilitres
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 of
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sugar- based
Correct your spelling
sugar-based
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drink
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contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
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 about 50%
sugar
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 and other unknown chemicals. All of these things are the main reasons to cause several health care problems
such
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 as high blood
sugar
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,
diabete
Correct your spelling
diabetes
 or even heart attack. As for the original ideas, there are many reasons to cause these problems, namely the demand for energy and the variety in appearances and prices of these unhealthy
drinks
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.
Besides
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 that, increasing the fax and
people
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’s awareness is
some
Correct determiner usage
a
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 feasible ideas to solve the problems of high
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Add a hyphen
sugar-based
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sugar- based
Correct your spelling
sugar-based
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 consumption in
people
Use synonyms

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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