IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
There is currently a contentious argument over whether foods and beverages with huge
sugar
 content should cost more to aid
people
 to buy less ). I totally agree with
this
 opinion because
products
 that contain a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
sugar
leads
Fix the agreement mistake
lead
show examples
 to
health
 issues, and
people
 will not pay more to buy those
products
. The main reason why I believe raising the prices
products
Change preposition
of products
show examples
 with high
sugar
 content is a great idea is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 consuming these
products
 exposes us to
health
 problems.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that hospitals and general
health
 clinics will not be able to manage all cases of
patient’s
Change noun form
patient
show examples
 care.
As well as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 diabetes and diseases associated with obesity will increase more than
Change preposition
in our
show examples
our
Change the word
the
show examples
 present day. To illustrate, the human body needs a specific amount of
sugar
 on a daily basis to reduce necessary compounds
such
 as ATP and hormones.
As a result
, reducing abnormal energy will lead to addiction. Another reason why I support the notion
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 there’s no chance that
people
 will spend
this
 amount of money only on those kinds of
products
. Specifically poor
people
 because they would rather pay for valuable items than foods and drinks that they cannot afford. In conclusion, I completely agree that manufacturers that produce
products
 that have
above normal
Add a hyphen
above-normal
show examples
sugar
 levels can affect our
health
 in a negative way.
In addition
, making it more expensive will lead
theto
Correct your spelling
to
 a reduction
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the sales of drinks and foods with large amounts of
sugar
. Given
this
 situation, it seems that raising prices is a perfect solution.
As well as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a good way of teaching
people
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the damage is going to make them more aware.
Submitted by fftaif73 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: