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Band 5.5

In many developing countries, children work in some form to bring in necessary income from an early age. In the first world, many people think this is damaging and wrong but others would argue that their work brings them a sense of contributing, belonging and responsibility. What is your opinion?

#countries #children #work #form #income #age #first #world #people #sense #responsibility
Having
children
 who get involved in some
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 could be found in many developing countries. Some people consider
children
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not supposed to have
sort
Correct quantifier usage
any sort
show examples
 of responsibility. In my opinion,
this
 would bring a positive and negative side, which I will elaborate
more
Change preposition
on more
show examples
below
Change preposition
on below
show examples
.
Regarding
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the positive side, by allowing
children
working
Change the verb form
to work
show examples
, they would be encouraged to be responsible for their
work
 and they could implement it in their daily
life's
Change the noun form
lives
life
show examples
such
 as their
school
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
.
In addition
, If
children
 have a job from
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
 age, they would seem to be mature in terms of mentality.
Therefore
, they could
be relied
Change to the active voice
rely
have relied
show examples
 on some tasks which are unsuitable for
a common
Correct the article-noun agreement
a common child
common children
show examples
children
.
For example
, they would contribute to support their family's income. Turning to the negative side, encouraging
children
 to
work
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their age has a problem with their
focused
Change the form of the verb
focus
show examples
 on their
school
. It is because they
concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
show examples
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 accomplishing their
work
 which
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them being tired to follow
learning
Correct article usage
the learning
show examples
 process in their
school
.
As a consequence
, they are not comfortable in the class and they obtain a low
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
show examples
.
Moreover
, If
children
 have an income, they would possibly not prioritize their
school
. It is a bad condition for countries which would like to increase human
resouces
Correct your spelling
resources
 in
academic
Add an article
the academic
show examples
 sector. In conclusion, having
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
children
 who
work
 would make them
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
responsible
.
However
, they tend to neglect their study
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their
school
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Word Count

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Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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