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Band 6.5

The chart below show the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eatem too much. Sumarise the information by searching and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below show the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eatem too much. Sumarise the information by searching and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #meals #three #nutrients #eatem #sumarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar charts illustrate the information of four kinds of meal which contain
Use synonyms
percentage
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a percentage
the percentage
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 of three nutrients;
sodium
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, saturated fat and added sugar, that can make unhealthy for humans when consume a lot.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that dinner has the biggest
proportion
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 of
sodium
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 and saturated fat
while
Linking Words
breakfast
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 has the smallest figure of all three nutrients. Lunch is the second
percentage
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 of both
sodium
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 and saturated fat where as a snack has the biggest figure for added sugar
nutrient
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nutrients
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.
For
Change preposition
Sodium
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sodium
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 and saturated fat, both have
close
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a close
the close
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Use synonyms
proportion
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proportions
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 of all kinds of foods.
Breakfast
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 has the smallest figure of
sodium
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 and saturated fat at 14% and 16%,
while
Linking Words
 snacks have the equally smallest
proportion
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 of
sodium
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 as
breakfast
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 meal at 14% and are 21% in saturated fat. Dinner and Lunch have the first and second-rank
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percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
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 of
sodium
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 and saturated fat at 43% and 29% of
sodium
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 and 37% and 26% of saturated fat. Turning to the added sugar information, the biggest
proportion
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 is snacks at 42%, followed by dinner and lunch at 23% and 19% respectively
while
Linking Words
 the smallest
percentage
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 of these nutrients is
breakfast
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 at 16%
Submitted by vanil on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, sodium, proportion, breakfast with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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