the pie charts below show the devices that people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in canada in two different years.

#show #devices #people #age #group #television #canada #two #years

The two pie

carts

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charts

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compare the percentages of different

kind

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kinds

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of devices used for watching

Canata

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Canada

in the

the

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apply

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tho

Correct your spelling

two

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years, 2009 and 2019 by certain age

group

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groups

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Overall

, it can be seen that the usage of conventional

sighnificantly

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significantly

dropped,

while

tablet and flat-screen

increased during the 10 years period.

To begin

with, in 2009 conventional

was

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apply

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accounted for 34%, which made it the biggest sector. Desktop

computer

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computers

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and

laptop

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laptops

show examples

also

represented

majority

Add an article

the majority

a majority

show examples

devises

Replace the word

devices

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used with 18% and 20% respectively. In terms of

Fix the agreement mistake

tablets

show examples

tablet

Add a comma

,tablet

show examples

it was the least in amount with only 5%,

as well as

flat-screen

which was with only 3% more. In 2019, surprisingly, conventional

suffers

Correct article usage

an extereme

show examples

extereme

Correct your spelling

extreme

decrease and it

was

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

accounted only for 4%, making it the smallest proportion. During the same

period

Add a comma

,period

show examples

the number of flat-screen

Change to a plural noun

tvs

show examples

went from just 8% to 27% and mobile

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

also

saw a big rise in 2019

represented

Wrong verb form

representing

show examples

26% of total usage. Desktop

computer

Fix the agreement mistake

computers

show examples

and

laptop

Fix the agreement mistake

laptops

show examples

changed slightly, but both of them dropped

with

Change preposition

show examples

6% and 8% respectively.

Submitted by elitsankova2005 on Thu Apr 13 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".

▼

Introduction: The introduction is missing.

▼

Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

▼

Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words tv with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 2 times.

▼

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

176 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pie charts
18 to 25 age group
devices
watch television
Canada
comparison
shift
preferences
mobile devices
traditional televisions
technological advancements
television viewing habits

What to do next:

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the pie charts below show the devices that people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in canada in two different years.

Millions of people every year move to English-speaking countries such as Australia, Britain or America, in order to study at school, college or university. Why do so many people want to study in English? Why is English such an important international language? Give reasons for your answer.

Completing university is the best way to get a job. while others believe that experience and developing soft skills is more important. discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people say arts such as music and painting cannot directly improve the quality of people's life, so the government should not put money on art such as music and painting, instead, they should spend more money on construction of public services. Do you agree or disagree?

In many corporations around the world there are fewer women than men in some management positions, and many people believe that this has created inequality in the workplace. Discuss the reasons why this is? How can we solve inequality in the workplace?

Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed rather than work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?