In some countries celebrities complain about way about the way media publicize their private lives. Some people say that they should accept it as part of their fame. Do you agree or disagree?

In contemporary society, there is a sense of discomfort about the way the articles convey the affluent’s private lives in the entertainment industry.

While

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many individuals suppose that these individuals should accept that

due to

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their considerable fame, I hold the opposite viewpoint. It is undeniable that some individuals who work as celebrities,

such

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as actors, models, etc., suffer from the pressure of society on their professional and personal lifestyles. The media enterprises do

this

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to obtain more notoriety and ratings for their prestigious companies.

Therefore

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, they frequently invade their privacy by highlighting terrible circumstances in front of the public, which is considered a disgraceful act.

For example

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, Nguyen Thuc Thuy Tien, Miss Grand International 2021, was sued by another woman about the non-payment of a debt.

This

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will have a detrimental impact on her reputation and credibility.

Moreover

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, I believe that each resident has their own privacy because every person is a separate individual.

Thus

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, the unduplicated individual has the right to live and do everything they enjoy without breaking the law.

Not to mention

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their significant contributions to the development of society as a whole

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Punctuation problem

, as

show examples

well as international contributions, especially in the entertainment industry.

For example

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, actor Tran Thanh, the films he has

made have

Verb problem

apply

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made great contributions to Vietnam's cinema, not only attracting the attention of domestic but

also

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international audiences.

Consequently

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, he can use the revenue to do charitable activities and assist the poor with problems they have encountered in their lives. In conclusion, I believe that

should

Correct pronoun usage

we should

show examples

respect and understand that everyone, including celebrities, is entitled to privacy and personal space. They, too, have the independence of keeping their secrets to themselves.

Hence

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, the media should refrain from prying into celebrities’ personal lives.

dangtranquoctrung01

Apr 13, 2023

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Strength

Your view is clear, but add more strong proof and show why you think so.

Coherence

Make the flow of ideas smoother. Use small links like and, but, also to move from one point to the next.

Development

Add more detail to each point and pick examples that fit well with your view.

Position

You state your view clearly and use real examples.

Ideas

The essay shows idea of privacy in a fair way and talks about value of celebs' work.

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

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