Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centres provide the best care. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#families #parents #members #grandparents #care #children #childcare #centres

Currently, many parents tend to be busy working, and they need to rely on someone else to take care of their offspring.

While

some people think

childcare

organisations can offer the best care, I would argue that

children

should be looked after by their

grandparents

On the one hand, it is believed that youngsters should be sent to

childcare

centres for some reasons. The first one is that since those centres are professional organisations, their staff are often well trained and

therefore

have good babysitting skills.

For example

, when a child falls over and gets himself injured, the staff can react quickly and give him first aid.

Furthermore

children

can have a chance to make friends with their peers when coming there, which might increase their communication and language abilities. If they are looked after by their family at home, they might feel a bit lonely.

On the other hand

, I believe it is a better idea for

grandparents

to take care of their grandchildren.

Firstly

, as

grandparents

have lived for many years and have brought up their own offspring, they have much more experience in raising

children

For instance

, they might know how to calm the baby down when he cries.

Secondly

grandparents

are family members, so they love their grandchildren more than other people do.

As a result

, they tend to spend much more time and effort caring for their grandchildren compared to a

childcare

staff member.

Finally

, youngsters looked after by their

grandparents

are likely to become more family-oriented and appreciate the value of a happy family. In conclusion,

while

there are some benefits of

children

being sent to

childcare

centres, I believe their own

grandparents

should raise them.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Sat Jan 06 2024

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task achievement

Ensure to address all parts of the task. While the essay provides a clear position and discusses both views, there is a slight imbalance in the development of each view which impacts the overall completeness of the response. Therefore, providing equal elaboration on both views is crucial.

task achievement

Work on expanding and supporting your main points with more detailed and varied examples. The provided examples are relevant, but they could be more specific and illustrative to strengthen your argument and help achieve a higher score.

coherence cohesion

Maintain the coherence throughout the essay by improving logical sequence and paragraph transitions. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, but there are opportunities for creating smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs for a more cohesive essay.

coherence cohesion

Continue to include introduction and conclusion paragraphs as they are integral to the structure of the essay. Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing both sides of the argument before stating your final opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

282 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centres provide the best care. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some students take one year off between finishing school and going to university, in order to travel or to work. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.