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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts compare the ratio of water usage for different objectives in six sites of the world.

The charts compare the ratio of water usage for different objectives in six sites of the world.
#ratio #water #usage #objectives #six #sites #world
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The pie charts give
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information on the
proportion
 of three
puposes
Correct your spelling
purposes
 of using
water
 in six regions.
Overall
, North
America
 and
Europe
 mainly used
water
 in the field of industry.
On the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large
proportion
 of
water
 was used for agricultural
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 in South
America
, Africa, Central
Asia
 and South East
Asia
. Looking at the graph, the percentage of usage for agriculture
account
Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
show examples
 for the largest
proprtion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 80%
in
Change preposition
on
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 average. Especially, the
figure
 for it
comprise
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comprises
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 the biggest size among the six charts recording 88% in Central
Asia
. It is nearly twice as large as the
figure
 for industrial use in North
America
.
Also
, it
account
Change the verb form
accounts
show examples
 for the second biggest ratio in North
America
 and
Europe
 marking 39% and 32% respectively. In
Europe
, it is approximately twice as big as the percentage of
water
 which is used
in
Change preposition
for
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domestice
Correct your spelling
domestic
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 at 32%.
On the other hand
, the
figure
 for Industrial use
make
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makes
show examples
 up the biggest ratio at 48% and 53% respectively in North
America
 and
Europe
. Despite the
figure
 for
domestice
Correct your spelling
domestic
 use
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not account for the largest
proportion
 in any country, it comprised the second largest
proportion
 in South
America
, Africa and
Centrla
Correct your spelling
Central
Asia
 at 19%, 9% and 7% respectively.
Submitted by jjhtoki on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, water, america, europe, asia, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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