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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts compare the ratio of water usage for different objectives in six sites of the world.

The charts compare the ratio of water usage for different objectives in six sites of the world.
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The pie charts give
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information on the
proportion
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 of three
puposes
Correct your spelling
purposes
 of using
water
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 in six regions.
Overall
Linking Words
, North
America
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 and
Europe
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 mainly used
water
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 in the field of industry.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 large
proportion
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 of
water
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 was used for agricultural
purpose
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purposes
show examples
 in South
America
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, Africa, Central
Asia
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 and South East
Asia
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. Looking at the graph, the percentage of usage for agriculture
account
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accounts
show examples
 for the largest
proprtion
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proportion
 80%
in
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on
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 average. Especially, the
figure
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 for it
comprise
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comprises
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 the biggest size among the six charts recording 88% in Central
Asia
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. It is nearly twice as large as the
figure
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 for industrial use in North
America
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.
Also
Linking Words
, it
account
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accounts
show examples
 for the second biggest ratio in North
America
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 and
Europe
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 marking 39% and 32% respectively. In
Europe
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, it is approximately twice as big as the percentage of
water
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 which is used
in
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for
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domestice
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domestic
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 at 32%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
figure
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 for Industrial use
make
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makes
show examples
 up the biggest ratio at 48% and 53% respectively in North
America
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 and
Europe
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. Despite the
figure
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 for
domestice
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domestic
 use
do
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does
show examples
 not account for the largest
proportion
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 in any country, it comprised the second largest
proportion
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 in South
America
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, Africa and
Centrla
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Central
Asia
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 at 19%, 9% and 7% respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, water, america, europe, asia, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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