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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the proportions of English men and women of different ages who were living alone in 2011. The pie chart compares the numbers of bedrooms in these one-person households.

The bar chart below shows the proportions of English men and women of different ages who were living alone in 2011. The pie chart compares the numbers of bedrooms in these one-person households.
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These two charts show the condition of men and
women
Use synonyms
 living in England alone. The first bar
chart
Use synonyms
 above gives us the ratio of the English man compared
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
women
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different ages who live alone.The second
chart
Use synonyms
 is a pie
chart
Use synonyms
 which shows the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
bedrooms
Use synonyms
 in the one man household.
Initially
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the first
chart
Use synonyms
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the ratio of men and
women
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 who live alone is almost 1:1
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all ages. What’s more, in the 35-49 age
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
, men's
proportion
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 is about 65%, which is much more than the
proportion
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 of
women
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 which is 35%.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that the
women
Use synonyms
 who live alone play a majority concentration between the two gender groups.
Moreover
Linking Words
, we can see in the second
chart
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, people who live alone generally live in a 2-bedroom house
according to
Linking Words
 the 35.4% statistics number. We can
also
Linking Words
 find it is almost the same
proportion
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 (of 28% and 29%) that people live in houses which have two (28%) or three (29%)
bedrooms
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. Compare with other
proportion
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 of
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
bedrooms
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 in
one-person
Add an article
the one-person
a one-person
show examples
 household, the
proportion
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 of people who have 4 or more
bedrooms
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 constitute only 6.7% among all.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, chart, bedrooms, proportion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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