IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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the
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people
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 like
music
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, and it could be helpful in bringing
people
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 of different ages together. In my view, it depends on the culture one is living
.
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in.
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For example
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,
Music
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 is greatly liked and appreciated in India. It is the soul of their religion to compose and sing
music
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. ,
,
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Apparently
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,Apparently
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 it will bring
people
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 closer when they participate in holy occasions. Some Festivals are sung by all the communities living in society. They join each other to celebrate that particular event. Concurrently, Events that include
music
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 can take
people
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 with biodiversity together. Nowadays, concerts of singers from all over the world are organized in different areas.
This
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 helps in bringing
people
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 from all
cultures
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 to entertain together.
Similarly
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, Old
people
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 are fond of listening to songs from the 1990’s century
while
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 young lads of our time enjoy more fast
music
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. But currently,
Music
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 is composed to give enjoyment to both ages glueing
cultures
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.
On the other hand
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, we can find singers who are doing a collaboration with different ethnic groups to engage more audiences. It does not only give novelty to
music
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 but listeners from all territories come to know about the culture of others. If there is an essence of lithe, everyone listens to it considering the tunes of all eras. In earlier ages,
Music
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 has been used as medicine, it is still used in therapies to give pleasure to more vulnerable diseases like cancer.
Besides
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this
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, There are
cultures
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 present in different ethnic groups which do not allow listening to
music
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.
According to
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 their religions, Listening to songs is a big sin. So, in a nutshell,
Music
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 helps in bringing
cultures
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 together. It only happens if someone finds attractiveness in songs whether they do not understand the lyrics but used tunes and hymns are so much more attractive. No one cannot succumb to giving a chance to learn about it.
Submitted by sjejlwi on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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