Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.

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It is a long-standing point of controversy whether young
people
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should gain
experience
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or knowledge first. Many
people
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often say that young
people
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should take a
job
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for a few years between
school
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and
university
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, in my opinion,
this
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suggestion has positive and negative aspects, a few of which will be discussed in
this
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essay. On the one hand, the harmful effects of having a
job
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between high
school
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and
university
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is that it will make you unable to focus on your studies because working and studying at the same
time
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can cause your academic results to drop.
In addition
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, it can
also
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cause your health to decline because when you study and
work
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too much, you will not have enough
time
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to rest, causing your body to gradually become tired. And when they feel like they’re earning
money
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like that, for some
people
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they will have the thought “Oh I’ve earned
money
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, why is it so easy?” That’s why they prioritize their
work
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and neglecting studies leads to poor results and leads to quitting
school
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to go to
work
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. Apart from the fact that
this
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could tempt them to shift their central focus to working, to the detriment of their educational process, going to
work
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at a young age
as well as
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not having enough
experience
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will make students more likely to encounter bad
people
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and be easily deceived
such
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as being cheated of
money
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or being tricked into illegal acts
However
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, there are some benefits of taking a
job
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for a few years between
school
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and
university
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. Gap years, in the first place, provide them with sufficient amounts of
time
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to take their process of orientation into account before making the ultimate decision on which major they need to get into at college. (
In other words
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,
this
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prevents you from getting into situations where you are stuck between the rock and the hard place, feeling like you’ve come too far to turn back, but the end is not yet in sight and the success appears to be by far exclusive.) Clearly, working is
also
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considered a good thing because it can help you gain more
experience
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in life, and at the same
time
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, working can give you
money
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and you can use that
money
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to help your parents too. When we go to
work
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, we will gain a lot of
experience
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from our
work
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, and from there we can learn valuable lessons for ourselves. If they soon figure out the mismatch between them and their current place of employment, they might think about switching jobs with the belief that walking away from opportunities that don't align with his/ her true selves and toward those that allow being authentically themselves at
work
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in the future. Not only that, but working part-
time
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will help you create new relationships with business owners, managers, colleagues, and even the customers you serve. These relationships will bring you many unexpected health benefits
such
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as better
job
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opportunities, help with studying in or out of
school
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, trust, and help when you need it. In conclusion, I find that part-
time
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jobs between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
school
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, and the
university
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are a good thing, but for good
people
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, those who know how to arrange a reasonable
time
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between studying and working. Those who are aware of their weaknesses will focus and study diligently for the sake of related improvement, making sure that they can become better because the path to success is the path of learning.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay addresses the topic but does not consistently maintain the reader's interest. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the development of main points lacks specific examples and the argument could be more persuasive with a variety of sentence structures and coherence markers.
task achievement
The essay attempts to discuss the advantages and disadvantages as requested, but ideas are not fully developed, with some repetition and lack of clear, comprehensive support for each point. To improve, ensure all parts of the task are answered fully and expand on each idea with deeper analysis and more relevant examples.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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