Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them.

Some
people
Use synonyms
believe that
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
do not have a severe impact on
children
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
others state that
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
are harmful
thus
Linking Words
parents should not allow their kids to play them. I personally believe that video
games
Use synonyms
affect
children
Use synonyms
adversely
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
they should be limited. I feel the aforementioned way for two reasons, which I am going to explain in the following essay.
To begin
Linking Words
with,
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
cause one to get low grades in school. If young
people
Use synonyms
play
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
, they do not
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
the time and forget to do their homework. My personal experience is a compelling example of what I mean. When I was a schoolgirl, I used to play a video game which is called " Barbies". I was in a hurry to go home every day when my classes finished. I was addicted to that game, and I hardly ate my meal. I usually forgot to do my homework
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
is why I got lower grades in many subjects. Once my parents found out that I was not doing well at school, they decided to set a password
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
my
computer
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
made me very upset at first. I had not had access to my favourite game,
thus
Linking Words
nothing prevented me from doing my homework.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
games
Use synonyms
on the
computer
Use synonyms
prevent
children
Use synonyms
to be
Change preposition
from being
show examples
social with peers.
Children
Use synonyms
who play
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
barely go out and play with other
children
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they do not do some housework chores.
For instance
Linking Words
, my nephew got used to
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
when he was
Change preposition
in a
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
fourth grade at school. He mostly played
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
. My nephew did not go outside for days,
although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
his friends always invited him to play with them outside. He had difficulty talking with his peers when my brother took him to the guest.
Besides
Linking Words
, his dad told him to throw the rubbish
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
he forgot
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
instead
Punctuation problem
instead,
show examples
he played
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
. After that
day
Punctuation problem
day,
show examples
my brother did not allow him to play video
games
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
he started taking him to his work
instead
Linking Words
of leaving him alone at home. If my brother did not punish my
nephew
Punctuation problem
nephew,
show examples
he would still have difficulty talking to
people
Use synonyms
and would not help with housework. In conclusion, I believe that
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
have a negative effect on kids
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
thus
Punctuation problem
thus,
show examples
parents should not allow
children
Use synonyms
to play them.
This
Linking Words
is because
children
Use synonyms
who play
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
get lower grades, and they will have difficulty associating with
people
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task Response: The view is clear, but ideas are few and not fully built. Add 2-3 more simple reasons with short examples. Start with a clear plan in the intro and end with a short restatement of your view.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: Some linking words are used, but long sentences and poor paragraph link hurt flow. Use one idea per paragraph, a clear topic sentence, and connect ideas with and, but, so, then, because.
task response
Clear stance is present and easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
There are some steps to connect ideas like 'To begin with' and 'Secondly'.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: