We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with its clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree?

It is argued that
while
the
Internet
offers many benefits, the issues involved with data security outweigh the benefits it offers.
This
essay totally agrees with that statement. Online communications and online
payment
methods are popular advantages which the
internet
Correct your spelling
Internet
show examples
offers.
However
, more and more
people
are concerned about breaching
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
information
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hackers through these systems. Email, which is the most popular and easy online communication method nowadays, has become the most vigilant area that hackers try to breach.
People
transfer valuable
information
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
via emails and if the system is breached and all the valuable
information
can be in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
possession of
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
people
.
This
happened to the company which I used to work for. One day the company’s emails had been hacked and all the
information
regarding the company’s business have been revealed to the world.
This
caused to
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
to lose its business and forced
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
show examples
close the company
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
permanent
Change the word
permanently
show examples
. Online
payment
methods
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
also
become a vital area in which
internet
hackers
trying
Wrong verb form
try
show examples
to steal
bank
Correct article usage
the bank
show examples
details of others. It has become a serious issue nowadays since you cannot realise if you are being hacked until your money in the
bank
disappeared. One of my friends experienced
this
situation. One day he realised a bill
payment
appeared on his
bank
account that he did not do and on the next day another
payment
.
Then
he informed the
bank
and realised his credit card has been hacked since he used to pay all his
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
show examples
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online. In conclusion, even though
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
offers many benefits to
people
, most of the time it fails to protect
confidential
Correct article usage
the confidential
show examples
data of individuals. That can lead to more and more
people
to avoid
Change the verb form
avoiding
show examples
using those advantages which
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
offers.
Submitted by chamarafernando06 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global connectivity
  • digital banking
  • cybersecurity
  • data protection
  • security breaches
  • cyber attacks
  • online transactions
  • digital divide
  • surveillance
  • freedom of information
  • responsible usage
  • ethical considerations
  • digital footprints
  • online behavior
  • information inequality
What to do next:
Look at other essays: