IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #activities #children #parents
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People
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 have different
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
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 about the control of
parents
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 over their
children
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's free
time
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activities
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. Some
people
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 claim that
parents
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 can restrict their
children
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's free
time
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activities
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while
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 others believe that
children
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 have the right to decide how they spent their free
time
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. In
this
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essey
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essay
, I will discuss two different
point
Change to a plural noun
points
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 of
views
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view
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 with reasons and examples. The
people
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 who believe that
children
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 have to get permission from their mother or father to play
activities
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 focus on prevention from immoral situations.
Children
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 can be affected by harmful media or culture as they are less trained
their
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in their
show examples
 ability which can help to distinguish what is right or wrong.
For instance
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, if
children
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 lack
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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care from their
parents
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, they might be exposed to
violence
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violent
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 videos or get
along with
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 bad friends who
boolly
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bully
 other friends.
People
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 who claim the importance of the parent's
organisasion
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organisation
 for their
children
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 think that they should be controlled their
time
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 from their
parents
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 in those cases.
On the other hand
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, giving
children
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 choices which can select
activities
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 on their own has more advantages.
To begin
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 with,
children
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 can learn how to manage their
time
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 themselves without pressure. They can recognize how many times are need to relax or to do their tasks themselves and they can find what is interesting. If
children
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 are organized their free
time
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 from their
parents
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, they may
expericence
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experience
 stucked feelings and those feelings interfere with increasing the effectiveness of
time
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 management.
That is
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 why
children
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 should be given the right to choose their free
time
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activities
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. In conclusion,
while
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 some
people
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 believe that
parents
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sholud
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should
 organize their
children
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's
time
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 and
activities
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due to
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enexpected
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unexpected
 adverse situations, it is
more
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apply
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essential for
children
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 to choose their hobby and manage their rest
time
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 themselves to improve their ego.
Submitted by jjhtoki on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: