The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time
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The bar graph provides information about the males and females in Britain studying
further
Linking Words
education
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either part-time or full-time between 1970 and 1991.
Overall
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, both sexes show a significant increase in the number who studied part-time
education
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throughout the years.
Whereas
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a considerable decrease can be seen for those studying full-time
education
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.
However
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, it is noteworthy that during the given period, the number of men dropped
while
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the number of women steadily rose. In 1970, 1000
thousand
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males attended
further
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education
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and studied part-time which is the second highest. After that, the figure went downwards to just above 800
thousand
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, before it slightly climbed (roughly 900
thousand
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). In the years 1970/71 to 1990/91, a minimal proportion of attendees studied full-time approximately between 100 – 250
thousand
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.
On the other hand
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, an upward trend can be observed in women who do part-time
education
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in two decades, rising from an estimated 700 to 1100
thousand
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, which was the highest. Meanwhile, full-time
education
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is less popular among women in 1970 and 1971 (just over zero), which was the lowest.
Finally
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, just over and below 200
thousand
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in 1980/81 and 1990/91, respectively.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words education, thousand with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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